Recall, please, that the Girl Child is only just 4 1/2 years old, ok?

We are attempting to correct her behavior. She sucks her thumb at night, during naps, and when she is very tired. It is starting to deform her teeth and we have been advised to make it stop. So, we've talked to her about it, explained that it isn't good for her, that we'd like her to stop, and, per the doctor's suggestion, instituted a sticker chart reward system -- so many days without sucking will equal a movie or something like that. We're not at all convinced that any of this is working, mind you, but we're fighting the good fight.

On Sunday, my wife told me (I was out at Home Depot), the Girl Child came down from her nap and had the following conversation with my wife:

GC [tone earnest, eyes wide, head shaking for emphasis] : Mamma, I didn't suck my thumb during my nap. But, when I got up, I went and washed my hands for a really long time and I only washed my thumbs, so, if my thumbs look a little wrinkled, that's why.

My wife told me that she was instantly terrified. I mean, if this is the outstanding kind of lie she can come up with at 4 1/2, imagine what she'll be like at 13. We're doomed. She is probably smarter than us both.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:37 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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1 Oh, are you in trouuuuble.

Posted by: Allison at August 29, 2005 01:44 PM (ddjrP)

2 Oh my. I LOVE the GC. (Perhaps she and I are related somehow) May I suggest a sticker calendar for the parents?

Posted by: Wicked H at August 29, 2005 01:44 PM (BQhBn)

3 Ha,ha! I always laugh when I hear people carry on about how children Always Tell The Truth. Little do they realize how devious the little darlin's can be. Sounds like GC is varsity material.

Posted by: Robert the Llama Butcher at August 29, 2005 02:14 PM (IkTb7)

4 My parents got me to stop sucking the thumb with a simple little bottle. The liquid in the bottle was called "Yucky Stuff". Or maybe that's just the name I gave it. It was painted on my thumbs sort of like nail polish would. If I ever forgot it was on there I would be quite disgusted when I popped my thumb in... it tasted AWFUL!

Posted by: suzanne at August 29, 2005 02:34 PM (GhfSh)

5 Yeah, but I'm pretty sure she'll use her powers for good and not evil. ;o)

Posted by: Margi at August 29, 2005 02:36 PM (nwEQH)

6 The Girl Child is my heroine. I want a T-Shirt with "Do What The Girl Child Says And No One Gets Hurt!" Heh.. Seriously, we went through this with my Girl Child at about the same age. I flat-out bribed her. Back then, we still had those big, thick toy catalogs from Sears or JC Pennys. I told her she could have anything she wanted in there *provided* she stop sucking her thumb for one month. She picked out the Fisher-Price Complete Kitchen set, with the refrigerator, microwaves, stove and oven and dishes set. The entire set came to over $100, which at that time was a LOT of money for struggling young couple with two little kids. But she did it and we bought it. It worked! Of course, maybe she'd like a trip somewhere or something as a reward. Or something else that she would greatly desire. I believe in bribes for children. They work very well. *grins* Anyway, good luck. Yes, her lying seems to be coming along quite nicely. HA! Did you ever see the Bill Cosby routine about little kids lying? Hysterical!

Posted by: Amber at August 29, 2005 02:37 PM (zQE5D)

7 Trouble, man y'all are in deep trouble. I'd recommend consuming large amounts of Gin to help ease the pain.

Posted by: phin at August 29, 2005 03:18 PM (Xvpen)

8 I too have a 4 1/2 year old girl that still is a big thumb-sucker--much more so than the 2 1/2 year old. There seems to be mixed opinions on whether it causes teeth damage or not, so we haven't pushed stopping it. Only very gentle nudging so far. It is amazing how well they can concoct a story. My husband and I already know we are in big trouble. Our only hope is to convince them we know more than we actually do.

Posted by: lawmom at August 29, 2005 03:46 PM (XhYQ0)

9 Oh, my. I'd say, Mr. RP, you will have an interesting set of teen years ahead of you. But I'm betting Margi's assessment is correct. My baby boy has sucked his thumb since before birth. He's even doing it in the ultrasound photos. And even still, at 17, every once in a great while when he's sound asleep early in the morning, I still catch sight of the thumb in the mouth. He'd absolutely *kill* me dead for putting that here. :-$

Posted by: Jennifer at August 29, 2005 05:15 PM (jl9h0)

10 The question is, can you spot the lies? As a lawyer, there must be a lot of lie detection as part of your daily life. My husband and I agree we were both shameless liars as children, but we grew to learn that it wasn't a good idea. Our son is either a really bad liar, or we are really good at lie detection. He learned quickly that it isn't easy to pull one over on us. As far as the thumb sucking issue: if you have a bad habit (and I'm not saying you do) you could agree that you will quit them together. It becomes more of a learning experience and something you can talk with honestly about with her - about how hard it is to quit something you are so used to doing. Laurel

Posted by: Laurel at August 29, 2005 07:47 PM (Mz7vH)

11 Troooooouble. That girl is going to be trouble with a capital 't'. I love the GC, but you two are so in for it

Posted by: Kathy at August 29, 2005 11:10 PM (QKvIa)

12 My sister gave up her fa-fa (passifier) to Santa at the age of 4--my parents were desperate. Of course, this only worked until she found it again in the knife utility drawer once she figured out how to access the kitchen counters. I can tell many stories about his period, but I won't. Definitely try the bribery! Unfortunately., you can't *really* hide the thumb like my parents hid the fa-fa.

Posted by: Mandarin at August 30, 2005 01:11 AM (+eH+G)

13 The solution, RP, is the Boy Child. Once he's old enough he'll be volunteering counterintelligence on the Girl Child. And vice-versa, of course. The challenge then becomes getting them to stop ratting on each other. Then again, GC seems to have BC wrapped pretty securely around her finger. Maybe she's figured out this problem with sibling witnesses and is taking proactive measures. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at August 30, 2005 06:22 AM (oqu5j)

14 LOL .... aren't kids great! Well there is a up side to the GC's creativity in that she is starting early and therefore you have a chance to teach her the importance of honesty. However, she probably is smarter than both of you. Its something that all parents learn eventually! Good luck and thanks for the laughing reminder of my memories of raising my daughters.

Posted by: dee at August 30, 2005 11:33 AM (sZnML)

15 Does this ever bring back memories! My husband looked at our GC at one point when she was about the same age as yours and said ,"she'll either be Prime Minister or a felon." Have fun trying to keep up with her.

Posted by: Jocelyn at August 30, 2005 02:44 PM (p6cmr)

16 RP, You could always refer her to this classic cautionary tale.

Posted by: MCNS at August 30, 2005 03:08 PM (pbCqD)

17 Oh wow, she is good!!! In terms of sucking her thumb; perhaps start with a specific, short, time period. It would be hard to stop a habit that one does automatically when one is asleep. When she is very tired, and starts to put her thumb in her mouth, stop her at that point, and reward her for not putting her thumb back in her mouth. You might also want to find her a different sort of soothing behaviour. Have her help you figure out something and then get her to switch to that instead.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 30, 2005 04:31 PM (Sb9NF)

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Some day, I intend to look back at the last several days and laugh. Probably not for a really long time, mind you, but one day. Stands to reason, right? I mean, it kind of has to be that way. If not, I will be very sorry indeed.

Anyway, a bright spot on the horizon. I am off to have dinner with Simon, that exceptionally smart, erudite and all around good guy from Hong Kong. We're off for Austrian food way downtown. I'm very much looking forward to this and have been for weeks. And right now, at least, it looks as if I will not have to cancel on him, which is nice since he came all this way. Anyway, I'm pretty excited.

Finally, in lieu of any other post today, I will leave you with the words of the Girl Child from this weekend informing her mother and me about her plans for the future:

GC: When I grow up, I want to be a ballerina and a butterfly. The only problem is that I don't know how to make a cocoon.

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The Girl Child, aged 4.5, just blows me away with the sophistication of her vocabulary and I wanted to note some of the things she said today before I forget them:

Me: Mamma, did you see that the Boy Child ate all of his mango with his fork?

GC (to me): Hey, so did I.

Me: Yeah, but his was a bigger accomplishment, it seems to me.

GC: But then why was mine a smaller accomplishment?

I explained, I promise, that it was because the Boy Child and the fork were but recent acquaintances.

GC: Pappa, where are the rest of the pieces of my puzzle?

Me: Well, did you leave them on the table?

GC: Yes, I did, but someone must have come along and removed them!

I don't know how special or different this makes her to anyone else, but to me, it seems quite remarkable.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:08 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Simple, really. Don't act your age, put whatever stupid sense of self-regard/dignity to one side.

Just be the only father at the pool today to do a cannonball. Make a really big splash. Bask in the admiration of the Girl Child.

Pray she does not request a demonstration of the belly flop.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:46 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I'm not saying I'm going to hell for this, but I am certainly not scoring any points with the Big Guy. The problem? I had a major Jimmy Buffet craving this weekend. I gorged on a couple of cd's and what, you may ask, what song did the Girl Child, supported by her brother, want to hear over and over again until she could sing along?

My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus

Hearing her sing along to this, if I don't die by Thursday I'll be roaring Friday night!, made me realize I would have some small explaining to do to our religious Mormon nanny. All she said, when I explained, was: "oh, my."

I'm not helping myself at all here, am I?

Oh, and do you know the song 1985? The Girl Child knows all the words to this one, as well. And she sings it with the 2.5 year old Boy Child. I could hear them one night when we were staying at my parents' house. It went something like this:

GC: She was gonna be an actress, she was gonna be a

BC: STAR!

GC: She was gonna shake her ass, on the hood of White Snake's

BC: CAR!

My wife and I just about fell over when we heard this little duet. Putting to one side the fact that we were not particularly pleased that the last nanny played this song enough for the Girl Child to learn, by the way. Not pleased in the slightest. Still, pretty darn funny.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 12:23 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 Oh man, that's a good one. At least your kids don't say stuff like the little one on "The Fockers"... asss hoooole I still laugh. Whenever we hear our little guy swear (which isn't often, thank goodness) we pretend we don't understand what he's saying, i.e. "Sit? Did you say sit?" .. it doesn't work very well though, especially when he even says it in the right context.

Posted by: Oorgo at August 08, 2005 01:24 PM (lM0qs)

2 You should teach them to do the Run/DMC Aerosmith version of Walk This Way. That would cool.

Posted by: Howard at August 08, 2005 02:31 PM (u2JaN)

3 Did you clear the Mormon Nanny through Howard????

Posted by: Wicked H at August 08, 2005 02:34 PM (iqFar)

4 ***snort*** I agree about "Walk This Way," but really any Beastie Boys song will do -- that's exactly what I pictured when I read the duet! Glad you've gotten settled in -- somewhat, anyway. Good luck in corrupting the mormon na...um...I mean...meeting the nanny's approval...uh, yeah.

Posted by: Allison at August 08, 2005 03:55 PM (ddjrP)

5 Heh. My friends have learned to carefully ignore any swear words their 4 year old says. Any sort of attention to them make them much more likely to appear again.

Posted by: owlish at August 08, 2005 03:59 PM (kVnh2)

6 Once I made a mix. It had a Jimmy Buffett song on it. And lots of other songs. I was getting ready for a party and I grabbed some mixes. Later, while we flipped burgers and kids whacked a badminton birdie around, Jimmy sang out loud and clear, "Wha' don't we get drunk and skroooo?..."

Posted by: Amy at August 08, 2005 06:09 PM (nUCsP)

7 Yes, Wicked, the Nanny has been cleared by me. I gave her my official Seal of Approval..."Dude, she's hot!".

Posted by: Howard at August 09, 2005 02:15 PM (u2JaN)

8 Oh my word! I laughed so hard. There is a country song out now called "Hillbillies" and the chorus is "like it in the hay" and my 2.5 year old son sings along. The funniest is when he says "you know how we get when we get it on" and it comes out just "get it on!" Priceless, too bad you didn't get it on tape.

Posted by: Oddybobo at August 09, 2005 03:08 PM (6Gm0j)

9 OMFG - I read this yesterday, and again today and I am still laughing my ass off!!! I want my Hello Kitty pencils!

Posted by: Mark at August 10, 2005 09:55 PM (Qy2ks)

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I spent the morning at summer camp. It was the last day of the Girl Child's summer camp and they were putting on a little skit they had been working on in drama class. She was very excited and, despite the fact that it seems as if I have been out of the office more than I have been in the office, I decided to take the morning off and attend. After all, ten years from now I will not remember what I did in the office this Friday but I will remember attending her little skit in ten years.

It was charming. They were "going on a bear hunt" and acted out the whole little story. They put the Girl Child smack in the middle of the line of kids, I think because she's so tall, and she did just fine. Then they gave out t-shirts to the kids. The counselors all made t-shirts for each child and presented them with a few remarks about why each child received that particular shirt. The Girl Child was given the most creative camper award t-shirt, for all of her creative work in art class and because she loved doing the art projects so much. The expression on her face was priceless. She was so self-consciously pleased with her t-shirt.

And then we left them to their devices for the remainder of the camp day. But her counselors had nice things to say about her to me ("she's sooooo smart"; "she made so many friends"; "she was up for anything we did") and her drama teacher said that the Girl Child was fearless and enthusiastic and a big risk taker. All of this, of course, was music to my ears. Nice music, not industrial grunge, just to be clear.

Otherwise, we didn't even mind being outside for this as the temperature was already 87 degrees by 10:00 a.m.

It was a very sweet morning.

*Any takers for telling me what the title of this post is a reference to? Without using a search engine, of course. I bet a number of you erudite readers know what this is.

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