My daughter has a doll. Well, she has more than one, but there is just one my wife dislikes and my wife hides this doll in the deepest recesses of my daughter's closet whenever she gets the chance. This doll bears an improbable name, dating from the time the Girl Child learned that people have more than one name and she decided her doll needed more than one name, too.

The Girl Child had an aunt visiting this weekend and the exchange when something like this:

Aunt: What's your doll's name?

GC: Mikado Philadelphia Booger.

Aunt: *Coughing fit* How did you come up with that name?

GC: We liked it. We thought it was a pretty name. So we that's what we named her.

No word on who the "we" was in the explanation. Frankly, I was a little bit afraid to ask.

I wonder, though, if any of her pretend friends had any input into the name.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:59 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Last night, I sat with the Girl Child and worked on an assignment from Nursery School. At school, they are doing a lesson that involves, broadly, learning how to not judge a book by its cover or a person by their appearance. I had to talk to her about what people would not be able to tell about her just based on her appearance (which is pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself).

Her answers were:

*Polite and playful
*Norsk (that's Norwegian, in Norwegian)
*"Sharebul" (her invention meaning sharing and friendly, she explained)
*loves to cuddle with her brother
*likes to run around the dining room table
*loves to dance ("make sure you write that one down, Pappa, ok?")
*loves all her friends in her class
*loves to swim and play in the pool and go underwater
*loves to eat ice cream cake
*thirsty all the time (I don't think this one is true, really, but whatever)
*loves to read and play with her doctor kit
*likes to play on the piano and loves music

It got me thinking, after she went to sleep. I wonder what kind of image I project by my appearance. I know someone once asked me, as I was on the subway going down to court, if I was a lawyer so maybe I project that vibe. I know that you will make certain assumptions automatically about a person based on certain socio-economic status clues that the subject gives off, but that won't tell you about the important things like ice cream cake.

So what is it about me that you can't tell when you see me all dressed up in my lawyer suit:

*I love the Autumn
*I enjoy the smell of a fire in the fire place
*I like the tactile sensations of different fabrics
*I love to read
*I like to talk to strangers
*I am not patient, not at all
*I am a patriot, I think, with a great love of my country
*Fatty foods over sweets
*I tell a damn good joke
*I love to get into a cold bed and feel it warm up from my body heat
*I loathe cucumbers to the point where, if you ask, I'll just claim that I'm allergic
*I wish I had a little convertible to zip around in, I miss the one my grandfather used to have
*I am very bad about following the dictates of my religion, pretty much any of them
*Spring training games bore me
*I am trustworthy and people tend to repose trust and confidence in me
*I am a nostalgia hound
*I welcome and embrace change, so long as it doesn't interfere with any of my little routines
*I can self indulge with the best of them

That's a good start, I guess.

How about you? What would people not know about you just by looking at you?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:40 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 I speak passable French, down from fluent French when I was 13.(lack of use) I have been to more foreign countries than states of the Union. I think the Grateful Dead are the best rock and roll band that has ever existed. I haven't had a drink in over 16 years (and boy, you talk about the GC, I really AM thirsty all the time!) Actually, I meant alcoholic drink. Not that I stumble around, or anything! I think travel is the most important geographic and sociological education anyone can give their children, surpassing any of what they learn about those subjects in school. I can take raw lumber and turn it into interior millwork and cabinetry, and then install same.

Posted by: Mark at January 28, 2005 12:14 PM (39jTO)

2 Had lunch with Princess Diana. Was shopping around the corner from her the weekend she died in Paris. Conducted a computer workshop without a computer. Got locked out of the campus computer room. Have a wicked, rather good sense of humor. Grew up in a multi-national, cultural family. Was on the front page of home town paper's sports page. Understand more Spanish and French than I let on. Tarot card reader and spiritual channeler. Very intuitive and spiritual. A big reader of newspapers, magazines and books. Enjoy reading erotica. Major sports fan. Very shy. Learned gregarious behavior. Have lived through post concussive disorder. Love to laugh. That I know how to use a gun. I love to sing. I wanted to be a doctor. In my own way, I am a on-line hospice volunteer. I am madly, totally, completely in love with NYC. My best friend is dying of cancer. I wore braces on my teeth as an adult. My left foot is larger than my right foot. Met the "real" Bobby Jones and Viktor Frankel. and so forth and so on...

Posted by: Azalea at January 28, 2005 05:00 PM (hRxUm)

3 The most confident person with low-self-esteem that you will ever meet. Has met several rock bands and was, at one time, a Band Wife who traveled with and sang background vocals from the sound board. It was exciting -- for about two weeks. Loves to sing, and has been told (by one very sweet, sweet man) that when he closed his eyes, he thought Patsy Cline was in the room. An incurable romantic who cries at all weddings and sappy proposal scenes in dumb movies. Hell, even some commercials! Far too thin-skinned and sensitive for her own good. Whose idea of decadence is 440-threadcount Egyptian cotton sheets and ten pounds of faux-mink blanket, a cup of tea or cocoa, and a thick, new book. Getting to where she must read with dimestore magnifying glasses or suffer the consequences in lack of focusing ability when attempting to see across the room. Loves the smell of: dusty antiques shops/bookstores, freshly bathed babies and newly-mown grass. Who thinks the most beautiful sound in the world is the sound of a baby laughing. (And I would love to meet Azalea. LOL!)

Posted by: Margi at January 28, 2005 05:32 PM (zalxZ)

4 i love to read things that are complete garbage to relax i dislike the color orange i am addicted to fresh pineapple when i write - (to quote a friend) - my mind often gets far ahead of my fingers...and i rarely let them catch up i love to fish -and grew up doing it quite a bit (and not just little fish...the big ocean type) i like words games...scrabble...bookworm...etc... but...don't like crossword puzzles water soothes me water excites me i love the water i am comfy in work boots...and a cocktail dress oh...and i blog

Posted by: standing naked at January 28, 2005 06:11 PM (IAJcf)

5 I'm pretty much a "what you see is what you get" person. Although everyone is surprised when the bitch pops out because I've been told I look "soft". But I'm not always. Much to their surprise. ;-) I look Californian, I look like I'd love cats, I look like I have a good sense of humor, I look like I'm high-maintainance. And I am all those things. The biggest part of me people don't seem to see is that I can be a shark in the sales department. I can manipulate when I choose to do so. Oh, and apparently when I get really angry, like if I'm protecting my kids or something, I can look murderously insane. Which is a good thing at a moment like that, IMO. *grins*

Posted by: Amber at January 28, 2005 08:18 PM (zQE5D)

6 I, too, am pretty much a "what you see is what you get" type of person, but these are the things that generally surprise people about me. -I used to model/act in commercials when I was in high school. I did this so often, if I needed to go on TV/have photo taken nowadays, I could do my own makeup. I was even up for a national campaign, too, but I didn't get it. -Can't stop myself from perusing the wares at nice jewelry stores. -I, too, have the sales gene, and can skillfully manipulate when the need arises. -I like daiquiris and pina coladas. I particularly like the little umbrella that sticks out the top. -I like to watch figure skating as much as I do hockey -I had a--how to put this delicately?---a reputation in college. And it didn't bother me one damn bit because I had a great time. -Guns scare the crap out of me. -I adore perfume. And silk and cashmere. -I like (a little too much, I think)the looks I get from the husband and other men when I make the effort to get all dressed up/made-up. It's always a pleasurable thing to make a man's eyebrows hit his hairline. Also, I rarely mind a polite pinch on the bum, either. That should be MORE than enough

Posted by: Kathy at January 29, 2005 06:05 PM (sQLe5)

7 Thanks for playing, y'all. To borrow from Margi, I'd probably enjoy having lunch with all of you!

Posted by: RP at January 31, 2005 09:39 AM (LlPKh)

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My mother takes the grand children out for lunch once a week. Sometimes the lunch is held at my mother's house, sometimes she comes over to our house, and sometimes they all go out. Yesterday, they went out. I am informed that the following conversation took place between Nana and the GC:

Nana: I hear that you're doing a lot of painting these days.

GC: Yes.

Nana: Will you paint me some new pictures I can put on my fridge?

GC: What's wrong with the old ones? You don't like them?

Damn. I just wish I had been there to see my mother's face. It would have been priceless.

Heh.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 03:51 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Cute as a button and sharp as a tack. Watch out for that one, RP!

Posted by: Jim at January 27, 2005 04:17 PM (tyQ8y)

2 Yep...you can tell she's already got Daddy wrapped around her little finger.

Posted by: C at January 27, 2005 06:23 PM (0yCni)

3 She always makes me smile! So did grandma get any new pictures?

Posted by: Rachel Ann at January 28, 2005 03:05 AM (Gf7BP)

4 Grandma did not get any new pictures, once GC was satisfied that the old pictures were still doing the trick.

Posted by: RP at January 28, 2005 08:14 AM (LlPKh)

5 A pragmatic one, that GC.

Posted by: GrammarQueen at January 28, 2005 05:03 PM (glf8i)

6 *Amber bursts out laughing* That's hysterical, Random!

Posted by: Amber at January 28, 2005 08:11 PM (zQE5D)

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I've had some very funny exchanges with the Girl Child (now 4!) over the last several days and wanted to get them down before I forget them.

Saturday evening, while watching the football game, GC proves that she can get into the mind of the advertising agency who created the Coors Light, "Cold Tasting" campaign. I could not understand what cold tasting was meant to signify, so I wisely asked a better mind, the GC, what she thought "cold tasting" meant. She replied:

Cold tasting? Frosted. Fresh. And yummy.

I suppose she has a future in either beer or advertising. Either way, she's already smarter than I am.

Last night, she became indignant when my wife would not let her do something and this was the interchange:

GC: Pappa, you have to tell Mamma what to do. You're bigger than her and she's smaller than you and she has to listen to you.

Me: Really? Is that how it works?

GC: Yes!

Me: Ok. I'll give it a try. Mamma, come here and give me a hug, please. [Hug given] Mamma, now give me a kiss, please. [Kiss given]. You're right, GC, it works!

GC: NO, PAPPA! Tell her to do something FOR REAL! [tone: indignant anger]

Me: Well, GC, it really doesn't work that way. The only reason she did what I asked was because I said please.

GC: [Stunned silence as world order collapses]

Finally, I was putting the finishing touches on some soup last night when the GC told me she had to go. We had the following conversation:

GC: Ok, Pappa, I have to go now. I'm teaching high school inside.

Me: What are you teaching?

GC: Cow.

Me: Cow?

GC: Yes, cow. How to milk a cow, how to get milk into the pitcher and then how to pour the milk from the pitcher without spilling it.

Me: This is a good thing to teach at high school?

GC: Yes. It's very important.

I want to go back to high school.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:50 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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First, thank you all for your very kind birthday wishes. We all had a very nice time, as I will report below.

My wife and I took the Girl Child to school, ran some errands, and then came back at 11 for her little party. It was too sweet. The Girl Child sat at the head of the table with a crown that she and her class made. One boy cried. He always cries, though, because he always wants it to be his birthday. In a way, I certainly identify with him. We brought miniature cup cakes and miniature black and white cookies to hand out to her class. The students all poured their own milk, which was a first for this week, we were told. The lights were dimmed, the candles were lit, and the songs were sung. I can't tell if the Girl Child enjoyed being the center of attention but I certainly enjoyed watching it. And it was all terribly wonderful to watch all of her little friends eat their cupcakes and try to pour their own milk without spilling. A whole variety of techniques for cupcake eating was on display from, one boy, eating only the icing, to another boy, starting at the top and eat down and disregard the paper, to the Girl Child, who took delicate little bites from the bottom until she was left with just the icing -- the best part. You can't teach that, you know.

Then we got to read to the class, both my wife and I. That was fun, too. A whole room of 3-4 year olds hanging on your every word. I enjoyed involving them in the story. There would be points in the story where one of the characters would be warned not to something and I'd pause and ask the class if they thought the character was going to listen and they all shouted, "No!" and asked me what was going to happen next. I'm telling you, a jury trial is nothing compared to trying to capture and engage the average 4 year old.

The Girl Child was then brought home, still wearing her crown, and deposited in front of a plate of her one of her favorite things: chilled shrimp. She inhaled a half a pound and I left to put in an appearance at the office.

I returned, however, bearing heart shaped cakes: 2 pink and 2 chocolate iced and all was forgiven. In fact, the Girl Child ran to get her mother and announced to my wife:

Time to go eat some suuuuugar!!!

My wife was very amused. After cake, and washing the spectacular amount of chocolate off the Boy ChildÂ’s face, it was time to open the gifts.

The Girl Child received, among other things, a pair of much exclaimed over animal feet slippers from her brother (they went on immediately and did not come off, maybe, until this morning) and, as her big gift from us, an electronic drum set.

Yes, drum set. Did I mention that the nanny gave notice right there and then? Kidding. At least I hope she was kidding. The drums were a big hit, so to speak. The Girl Child took one drum stick and the Boy Child the other and they merrily banged away at them. It was nice to just watch. Happily, since the drum set is electronic, there is a certain amount of volume control built into the toy, so it may not be the end of peace and harmony forever and ever as we know it.

As for the slippers and my cryptic reference about when they came off her feet? When my wife and I put her to bed, she insisted on wearing her new slippers in bed. When asked why, she said:

Here’s the thing. When you put me into bed, at first, my feet are cold, so I want to sleep with these on. [And then did her best impersonation of an old man from Brooklyn with the shoulders shrugged and both hands held out, palms up, in the physical manifestation of a “what are you gonna do” question]

Last night was also the first official night of sleeping without a diaper. She kept telling us that she was going to wait until she turned four before she gave them up and we could not shake her. So, we all waited. I am proud to report that the night passed without incident. I waited around this morning to catch a later train so I could congratulate her and tell her how proud I am of her for getting through the whole night without a diaper, but she gave no sign of waking so I eventually had to leave. I called her during her breakfast and told her. She seemed pleased.

I was kind of excited that she was out of diapers but my wife thought it poignant and, upon reflection, sheÂ’s right (as usual). It is poignant. We have crossed a line here. Some lines, as you go through life, are not so visible, but are very meaningful and some are visible and not to meaningful. I donÂ’t really know where this one falls, perhaps somewhere in between. There is no question it is visible, but is it meaningful? Perhaps it is just poignant because it is visible. Either way, I cast my mind back to when she moved from newborn size diapers to size one and I remember how sad I was that she was growing up so fast. I have never been able to shake that feeling and I try, the best I can, to live as much as I can in the moment with my children, so as to hold on to their childhood as long as I can and to appreciate it without mourning its passing. But then you run into this visible line that you cross and you get jerked back, like a dog at the end of his leash.

Anyway, enough maudlin reflection. There will be plenty of time for that later on Saturday when we have her birthday party with 2,586 screaming children. Then, I will deserve to wallow in maudlin. And Scotch. A lot of Scotch, cause thatÂ’s good for headaches, you know?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 03:13 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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January 12, 2001, my wife and I were at NY Hospital, 65th and the River, and at precisely 10:00 that morning, my wife gave birth to our first child, the Girl Child. Shortly after giving birth, my wife basically passed out and remained passed out for about an hour and a half. That meant that when they finished weighing the little thing, they brought her to me. Now, she was crying her little heart out, not at all happy to be taken from her mother's womb and pushed out into a cold, January morning. But, happily for the Girl Child, I listened to an old nurse some months back at the hospital who counseled us to speak to the baby while in the womb. She said it would be helpful at the time of delivery. So, every night, I used to read to my wife's belly and otherwise just chat to it for awhile. The result was that when the nurse handed me my little wrapped up bundle of shrieking baby, and I cuddled her to my neck and spoke soothingly to her, she stopped crying, let out a little sigh, and snuggled into my neck, totally at peace. It was altogether magical and I sat there with her, talking quietly to her, until the nurses made me give her back to be taken to the nursery.

That was four years ago, today.

Happy birthday, my daughter, and many, many more!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:17 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Friday night, my wife and I went out to dinner. We dined at a private club. One of the very good things about dining at a private club is also one of the very bad things about dining at a private club: the cocktails are poured with a generous hand. I ordered a Maker's Mark and soda. Out came a glass filled about 85% to the top with bourbon and a small bottle of soda on the side. I drank it, more fool, I. I ended up with that over served feeling and somehow, somewhere in my house that night, contrived to mislay my cell phone.

Saturday evening comes, and I am still looking for it. The Girl Child comes in and asks me what I'm doing. I tell her that I'm looking for my cell phone and this is what she says:

Perhaps I can help?

Me: [Completely taken aback by having the not yet four year old girl child use the word "perhaps" in a sentence] That would be great.

GC: [Steps into the middle of my bedroom, peers around for about five seconds and calls out in a loud and determined voice] Ok! Where the HECK is that phone!?!

I did eventually find it. Just in case you were wondering.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:43 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 I want one! Perhaps. Maybe. Well not really at 6am on Sunday mornings. Just yet.

Posted by: Mia at January 10, 2005 09:35 AM (dCf7X)

2 lol... glad you had a good time. and she never ceases to amaze us all. (still giggling)

Posted by: standing naked at January 10, 2005 10:24 AM (/Kj2M)

3 The child has truckloads of patience!!! Lovely story, Random!

Posted by: Mick at January 10, 2005 03:08 PM (VhRca)

4 Ha, ha, ha!! Great story, Penseur.

Posted by: Jester at January 10, 2005 09:35 PM (yS8Mo)

5 I'm surprised she didn't suggest you call the cell to find it.

Posted by: Margi at January 11, 2005 02:10 AM (rKX9f)

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I have been pondering, off and on for the past week, something the Girl Child said over Christmas vacation. I suspect that there is something very profound in it because my mind keeps coming back to it to kick it over again. By way of background, I think she was talking about my parents' dog who died last Autumn. I wrote about it before and I know it had an impact on the GC.

Anyway, her words:

Here's the thing: Once, there was a dog who loved me.

And then she walked away. That was it. One simple sentence (actually from a child not yet four, maybe not so simple). But I can't get it out of my head. Once there was a dog who loved me. No matter what I do, I still think its profound without understanding it or her point. Either way, I want to go out and get a dog now.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:56 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Sounds like you need to get a dog. They are wonderful companions.

Posted by: JohnL at January 05, 2005 02:37 PM (YVul2)

2 God opening for a novel, actually. Be careful, I might steal it.

Posted by: John at January 05, 2005 03:42 PM (q7uVd)

3 It's interesting how she didn't say that once SHE loved her dog, but that she was loved by it. That she knows at such a young age. Very sweet.

Posted by: Amber at January 05, 2005 06:03 PM (zQE5D)

4 But she DID say she loved the dog -- only not in those words. I don't think she wants another dog so much as she wants to know where that dog that loved went. We were at my grandfather's funeral some years ago when my nephew was about the Girl Child's age. After a few hours he tugged at and said "Uncle Bobby, Grampa's not getting up..." There were some nervous laughs all 'round and I picked him up saying "No, he isn;t, is he...?" I didn't want to get all morose and explain death to a 4-yr-old, so I kinda just mentioned that we all take "one last good-night". I said something like "Y'know when yer tired at the end of the day and want to get some sleep?" "Yeah...?" "Well, after a lifetime of days like that, we all get tired and are ready for a one last good night's sleep. Y'know?" "Yeah..." I don't know if he knew or not, but he seemed to get it enough to be at least a little less in the dark about why gramps wasn't getting up.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 05, 2005 11:09 PM (fs1yQ)

5 I think children are FAR more intuitive than we adults give them credit for. (Geesh. Grammar sucks, but you know what I mean, right?) And Girl Child seems to be leaps and bounds ahead of the average in this regard. She says exactly what she means and speaks from her heart. And that you take the time to really listen and are moved by what your child says to you really DOES say a lot about you, RP, as a parent. These are very good things.

Posted by: Margi at January 05, 2005 11:20 PM (rKX9f)

6 Sometimes things are as complicated and as simple as that. Especially when they are still so tender, sweet and perfect.

Posted by: Helen at January 06, 2005 05:57 AM (QL3eA)

7 Thanks for all the comments, y'all. JohnL: Can't really get a dog right now. Seems like we're just barely handling the responsibilities we do have! John: First line of a novel, huh? Why not? Beats "it was a dark and stormy night". Amber: I am constantly amazed by the little but very precise distinctions she can draw between things. It was very sweet, indeed. TS: That was a beautiful thing to say. Where were you when I was being asked these tough questions by my daughter and had her in my lap crying that she did not want to die? Boy, I could have used your help then! Margi: I usually know what you mean and love the fact that you care enough about grammer to make a point of it. Thanks for the all the nice things you said! Helen: Yup, it really was just perfect.

Posted by: RP at January 06, 2005 08:47 AM (LlPKh)

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