NY State, in its infinite wisdom, has decreed that I must accomplish 24 hour credits of Continuing Legal Education (CLE) in order to renew my license to practice law every two years. It is a self reporting system. Theoretically, they can audit you but I've never heard of it happening. No matter, I will comply because I can't actually contemplate signing my name to a false affirmation that I did comply. And if I could contemplate doing so, no amount of CLE is going to make a difference. Certainly not the 4 hours of ethics. I figure that if you make a knowingly false affirmation, you are beyond the help 4 hours of ethics can provide.

One nice thing is that I can do it by way of streaming video over the internet. I am picking among the following interesting (said with no irony at all, that's how pathetic I am) looking classes:

*Evidence and Objections: Laying Foundations for Introducing and Raising and Rebutting Evidence

*Credibility and Cross Examination by Irving Younger (A giant of the trial bar)

*Hearsay (also by Younger)

*Nuts and Bolts of New York Appellate Practice

*Summary Judgment in New York: A Review

*Avoiding Professional Malpractice

There are also some good bankruptcy programs on asset protection.

I look back on this list and I weep with the knowledge that I am actually looking forward to a little evidence refresher. How reduced I have become.

Still, as for a bright spot, at least I am not in Minnesota, where:

The Minnesota Supreme Court issued an order making ethics and diversity training mandatory for Minnesota attorneys. As of July 1, 1996, lawyers licensed in Minnesota are required to take three hours of ethics courses and two hours of elimination of bias training as part of the 45 credit requirement to keep their attorney licenses up to date.

The University of Minnesota allows you to meet this requirement with this kind of silly course:

ENGL 3741: Literacy and Cultural Diversity 4 credits

Meets CLE req of Citizenship/Publ Ethics Theme; meets CLE req of Cultural Diversity Theme

Description: Through reading, writing, and community action, this course examines the function and variety of literacies in contemporary U.S. culture. Readings in literary, sociological and pedagogical theory, imaginative literature, autobiographies and memoirs, will engage students with the idea of literacy. By working in community organizations, students will enter into the complex practices of literacy among young school students or adult learners, with long-time citizens as well as newly arrived residents from Africa, Mexico, South Asia, and elsewhere. Reading across history and culture, but with a special emphasis on the vexed case of U.S. literacy, we will think about inscription and exclusion, the politics of power and knowledge, institutions and disciplines of literacy and literature, about race and schooling, about migration and disapora [Ed. comment: SIC!!! This is so stupid that they cannot even spell DIASPORA. It's DIASPORA, you idiot!!! There, I feel better now and return you to the course description], and about the possibilities for renewed and revolutionary literacies. Readings may include works by Paulo Freire, Michel Foucault, Pierre Bourdieu, Franz Kafka, Frederick Douglass, Zitkala Sa, Nuruddin Farah, Theresa Hak Kyung Cha, Myung Mi Kim, Anne Fadiman. As part of the course, students commit to 2 hours a week of literacy work (broadly defined) in a local community organization. A one-day literacy training session, usually scheduled for a Saturday early in the semester, along with a variety of on-site trainings, will help students prepare for their community work.

Class Time: In addition to course work, a 2 hr/week service commitment off-campus

Work Load: Assignments will include a reading and reflection journal, a literacy autobiography, several short writing assignments, an in-class presentation, and a final project.

I'm sure that the clients of Minnesota are better served by lawyers who can fight their way successfully through bull shite like this. 100% sure, I am.

As this blogger points out, the real problem is that there is really only one stream of ideology that qualifies for inclusion in this curriculum. Guess which one? If you guessed conservative, you're wrong! The lawyers in Minnesota have tried to litigate this requirement and lost.

I guess I'm grateful for the small favor that if I have to take CLE, at least I can pick professionally useful classes and am not required to pay someone for the privilege of brainwashing.

Back to evidence!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:29 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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The first day of trial has finished. In preparing for this and attending the first day, we have billed over 400 hours of time. Is it any wonder that high stakes ($30 million in asserted liability) corporate litigation is too expensive for ordinary civilians to conduct on anything but a contingency fee basis?

In any event, the judge has great animus for our client and, by extension, us. This is the same judge I got in a fight with before (here for story). She is hypertechnical, snide, rude, and not too swift. She is creating an appealable record. In other words, she is making errors with her evidentiary rulings. This is the kind of thing that an appellate court can seize on to reverse a final determination. As for snide, she actually over-ruled an objection by saying, "maybe I'm just not as smart as you are". Astonishing sarcasm from the bench.

I think that generally there has been an irretriveable breakdown in the civil relationship between the bar and the bench. Judges and lawyers are just downright more hostile and mean to each other. I really don't know why. I suppose I have some guesses, but there really is no excuse at the end of the day. Moreover, judges who are rude are abusing their position, I feel.

Trial is an odd thing. Its billed as a search for truth. Its more like a formalistic dance between skilled lawyers who try to thread their way through, or impede their opponent from doing so, a complex thicket of evidentiary rules designed to protect the fact finder from unreliable information. The Rules of Evidence are fascinating, archaic, and a trap for the unwary. We're pretty good on them at my office and can often use them to trip up the other side. The judge has an obligation to follow them but only if you call the correct rule to his/her attention at the correct time. This is a situation of make the correct objection in a timely manner or have it be deemed waived. Once the information is in evidence, and thus been accepted as reliable, you can argue from it to your heart's content. This includes, by the way, documentary evidence.

All documents are, by their nature, out of court statements usually offered to prove the truth of the matter they assert. Thus, classic hearsay. Sometimes more than that. Sometimes the document may also report on what someone else says. Say its a memorandum of a telephone conversation. Then the memo is hearsay and contains hearsay within hearsay, or double hearsay. You need an exception, and there are a lot, to each level of the hearsay objection or else the document isn't coming in. At another trial some time ago, I made the hearsay within hearsay objection and kept out of evidence a whole series of memoranda and caused opposing counsel to actually get so angry that he began jumping up and down. It was . . . sublime. In fact, that lawyer then complained to the judge that he let in all of my similar documents and the judge responded that the fellow didn't object at the time and he was not now, at the end of trial, going to revisit every one of his evidentiary rulings. A very satisfying moment, indeed.

So, maybe trial isn't really a search for truth but a search for reliable information upon which a fact finder can make factual findings based on, among other things, the credibility of the source of the reliable information. Plaintiff is still putting on its case here and the fact finder, in this case it is the judge, is judging the credibility of plaintiff's witnesses. By and large, so far, they look credible. We'll see what happens when we reconvene next month. Next month, you may ask yourselves? Yes. It is a bench trial so it goes in dribs and drabs, starts and fits, whenever the judge has an odd bit in her calendar and can fit us in. Then we do post-trial briefs, proposed findings of facts, post-trial motions, etc. and she makes her decisions.

It was a long day and has been a long couple of weeks.

Yesterday was also my wedding anniversary. I called my wife to wish her a happy anniversary and said, has it really been 11 years? And she said, yes, and they have been the happiest 3 years of my life. Zing!

I was on the 8:40 train home last night (early for this week, actually) and it broke down in Pelham. They evacuated the whole thing and, happily, had another train to us in less than 15 minutes but it was not fun there for awhile.

I am off to the wine store shortly to buy something fun to drink. Tonight, we light a fire in the fire place, drink wine, and put on the first episode of To Serve Them All My Days. I cannot wait.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 12:33 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 836 words, total size 5 kb.

1 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!! I hope you have a lovely evening. Sorry it happens to be in the middle of trial. With the nutbar of a judge....

Posted by: Elizabeth at November 05, 2004 01:42 PM (ehQxN)

2 Happy Anniversary!

Posted by: JohnL at November 05, 2004 02:46 PM (YVul2)

3 A very happy anniversary! 11 years, that is so wonderful. What is the 11th anyway? The popcorn anniversary? Origami? Screw it. Wine works for every one of 'em.

Posted by: Jim at November 05, 2004 04:26 PM (tyQ8y)

4 As a juror in a first degree murder trial, I was very, very happy to get the juror instruction that says if a witness can be shown to have lied on one part of the evidence, you can throw out all the rest of his testimony. That had a big bearing, though not the only factor, on a verdict of not guilty in this case. It seems to me that rules like that make things a lot easier, whether or not they prove absolute truth. But as you said earlier, you're not going to find absolute truth in a courtroom.

Posted by: John Bruce at November 05, 2004 05:50 PM (AtiUs)

5 Wow... sounds kind of cut throat, to be honest. Then again, I'm having major problems with a cynical world. Anyway, hope you enjoyed your time in front of the cosy fireplace... always a good way to feel better!

Posted by: Hannah at November 06, 2004 07:17 AM (7dELN)

6 Congratulations, Random! Astonishingly close, our anniversaries. Freaky thing! ;-)

Posted by: Mick at November 06, 2004 01:42 PM (VhRca)

7 RP, based on the Judge's conduct it sounds like its a darn good thing your building up a good appellate record. Is this a jury or bench trial? You may have mentioned that before but I missed it. In any event, good luck and hope you had a great anniversary. Ivan

Posted by: ivac at November 06, 2004 05:55 PM (xy2ZU)

8 I hope you had a wonderful anniversary. Maybe it is good in some ways that the trial comes in dribs and drabs; you get some breather between entries into the lions den.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at November 08, 2004 01:52 AM (OnNyU)

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I have a moment to make a quick report, in case anyone was wondering where I've been. I have, since Friday morning, now billed 30 hours in preparing my emergency application. I smell bad, my glasses are filthy, I am out of emergency chocolate, and my desk is a wreck of old torn up drafts, empty coffee cups, lost pens, files, folders, documents -- both originals and copies, statute and form books, and transcripts. I have a notice of motion, a memorandum of law, and, most importantly, an affidavit for my client to sign. I will serve it all tomorrow morning and then see about digging out. I believe it will hit the plaintiff right between the eyes.

This is not the fun and romantic career I thought I was getting into when I used to watch L.A. Law.

I hope I have not missed much fun stuff on all the other blogs.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 04:27 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
Post contains 157 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Hang in there, RP! Hope it gets better for you soon!

Posted by: GrammarQueen at October 25, 2004 05:52 PM (gDEwS)

2 As I dig out of my own hole--surfacing from 9th grade research papers and parent phone calls about kids who need to get into Harvard 4 years from now, and whose lives I personally have shattered because of this grade--I am sending you zen vibes of hope and good cheer. Rock on with your bad self!

Posted by: Mandalei at October 25, 2004 07:43 PM (PibH1)

3 *rushes into room with armful of halloween candy* here - hand me your glasses *uses soft cloth and wipes away grit* there - talk to you later

Posted by: standing naked at October 25, 2004 10:27 PM (IAJcf)

4 As someone who has worked for over ten years in insurance defense -- GO GETTEM, TIGER!! And as always, hug your support staff. *grin* xoxo

Posted by: Margi at October 26, 2004 12:20 AM (MAdsZ)

5 Ugh, ugh. I hope your newest efforts knock the socks off the plaintiff and your client gets what they deserve. Also wishing you a full nights sleep, a vacation with the family, and chocolate. Plenty of chocolate.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at October 26, 2004 01:41 AM (RgxV/)

6 OUT of 'emergency chocolate' , this is bad!

Posted by: Mia at October 26, 2004 02:08 AM (6kWIG)

7 I avoided watching L.A. Law, at all costs, just because it was on TV. The work is the thrill! The pain is only yer growth! May we all yet suffer as much as ye, me matey! Oop, sorry. Talk Like A Pirate Day was last month...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 26, 2004 03:04 AM (OcLmo)

8 Ok, wow. Thanks for all the great comments and very kind wishes and thoughts. Today is serve the papers day and then things will settle down a bit. The boss, by the way, thought I did a great job. So, that's nice, at least.

Posted by: RP at October 26, 2004 07:40 AM (LlPKh)

9 Is Stinky the boss?

Posted by: John Bruce at October 26, 2004 11:00 AM (MRbP2)

10 Damn, John, you remember that? In fact, he is.

Posted by: RP at October 26, 2004 11:24 AM (LlPKh)

11 What have you missed on blogs? Where do I begin! Jim of SBD has gone gay. Finally, he's come out of the closet and admitted secretly he's always wanted to spend his life in drag and grow old surrounded by 50 cats and the original recordings of all of Debbie Reynold's songs. Ravings of a Corporate Mommy? Well, Elizabeth and her family have quit the rat race nad now own a farm of sunflowers, which will be run as a cooperative. And me? I'm on the lam. I stole that painting after all-I mean, it was easy to do. I speak Swedish, after all Hang in there, baby.

Posted by: Helen at October 26, 2004 02:30 PM (DCpYG)

12 I've been outed? Damn. Well, it was only a metter of time. Debbie Reynolds rules!!!!!

Posted by: Jim at October 26, 2004 04:16 PM (GCA5m)

13 1)Order in chocolate at next opportunity. I thought you NY'ers could order in anything. 2)Burn material on top of desk 3)Use fire to roast marshmallows and make s'mores or Stinky, whatever comes first 4)Give self a long holiday weekend. 5)Institue "costume" only dress code at the firm.

Posted by: Azalea at October 26, 2004 06:33 PM (hRxUm)

14 Oops, I'm late (again!) but...hang in there, stay warm, go get 'em, YAY RANDOM! GRRRRR! (How's zat?)

Posted by: Amber at October 26, 2004 07:18 PM (zQE5D)

15 Hope it works out RP, I'm your your memo of law was terrific. Based upon your prior comments about the quality of justice your client received below I'm sure you'll get a good result. Ivan

Posted by: ivan at October 26, 2004 09:49 PM (xy2ZU)

16 I thought about you today, and just wanted to send some more good wishes. *wish*wish*wish*wish*wish*wish*wish*wish*wish*wish*

Posted by: Mandalei at October 27, 2004 06:18 PM (PibH1)

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I rank yesterday up there in the top 5 worst professional days I have ever had the joy to experience. I cannot, for reasons obvious to at least me, go into great detail about this, so you may not get the full flavor of why, for instance, I actually wanted to throw up at one point. But I will try to summarize just a little bit, if only to help myself move past it.

1. That motion to take discovery? Lost. All of it. Every bit of the relief requested. Why? The Judge loathes my client. Also, it was a totally cold bench (she didn't read one single word of the papers my firm charged my client thousands of dollars to prepare). I get spoiled by appearing mostly in the Commercial Division when I'm in State Court. Ivan Chonkin (if he stops by today) will understand about this since he's had the experience. Then, the judge simply fucked me. No other way to describe it. She is withholding the decision on the motion and refusing to issue a stay. When I said to her that by doing so she would prevent me from going to the Appellate Division to seek a stay, she told me that she would not issue an order just to permit me to "run up huge costs and expense and generate a lot of paper". This was at the end of the appearance. I became so angry here my hands started to shake. I put my finger in front of her, told her that I do not practice law to bring meritless motions or do anything just to run up the costs, I resented the implication that I did, that I had done nothing in front of her that could have ever given her that impression, and that she was out of line. I have never yelled at a judge before and I guarantee my voice was raised. And you know what? She said that she was sorry and that she didn't mean to give that impression. Fuck her.

2. The judge has withheld the decision, as I said above. I am now preparing a motion to by brought by notice of motion (because denial of an ex parte application brought by emergency order to show cause is not an appealable paper in NY) that will request relief in something like 6 parts, with many subparts, and it has to be served by no later than Tuesday. I will be here all weekend. This motion is pure damage control because there ain't no way she's granting it. I will be writing for the appellate panel here.

3. I lost an appeal in another case. A decision came down on an appeal and the appellate court didn't even address the arguments we made. Also, and much much much worse, the client is devastated, both personally and financially. His marriage has broken up over the stress. I'm glad I did not have to make the call to tell him, coward that I am.

I met my wife for dinner afterwards because it was date night and we hadn't been alone for about 2 weeks. It was not joyous but just being with her can sometimes make things a lot better.

But the best part of all? Coming home to find my daughter was still awake, letting her get out of bed while I took my tie and suit off, and then sitting with her in her rocking chair and rocking, chatting, and rubbing her back until it was time to put her back to bed. That did more to salvage my day than I think anything could have.

Finally, I will leave you with a funny Girl Child story, to reward you for getting this far. The nanny told us about it when we got home. She and the GC had the following conversation:

GC: I know, let's switch listening skills. I'll take yours and you take mine.

N: Ok. Hey, GC, let's go, its time for your bath.

[silence]

N: Hey, you have to listen to me because you have my listening skills and I always listen.

GC: [looks up at her] Fine. I want mine back.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:38 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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I wanted to blog a lot today. There were a number of things that interested me and I wanted to write about them. Instead, I have been preparing for oral argument for tomorrow to defeat, I hope, a $30 million or so claim. Or at least get the Court to give me discovery on damages and I have a novel theory that I am hoping the Court will allow me at least to pursue. If not, off to the Appellate Division. But I write instead to tell you that at 4:08 p.m. I just finished the last of the black coffee I bought at 7:15 this morning. That tells you all that you need to know about my day today, I bet.

At least I am feeling better physically. Thanks again for all your good wishes!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 04:12 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Margi had the link to this legal humor site.

I found particulary funny this lease provision:

47. END OF THE WORLD. The occurrence of the end of the world prior to the complete performance by Tenant of the terms, covenants and conditions of this Lease ... shall permit Landlord to accelerate and demand payment for all charges which remain as an obligation of Tenant under this Lease, and Landlord's collection of monies due from Tenant may be pursued by an immediately available procedure. For all purposes hereunder ... such notice [shall] be given to Tenant by the then prevailing medium of communication. Landlord shall be deemed aligned with the Forces of Light and Tenant shall be deemed allied with the Powers of Darkness notwithstanding either party's final ordered placement.

Lawyer humor for lawyers.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:08 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 ::: guffaw ::: I'm glad you liked it. I sorta knew you would.

Posted by: Margi at October 07, 2004 03:56 PM (MAdsZ)

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I just got another cold call my secretary did not weed out. I love these.

Woman: This is Dee from R__ K___'s office and he'd like to drop you some information in the mail.

Me: That's nice. Who's R___ K___?

Dee: Well, he works with Wall Street. [Delivered in slightly reverential tone as if I am lucky to be getting a call from the flunky of a man as busy as this]

Me: What? The whole Street? Really?

Dee: Well, he works for Almond (actually another nut) Securities.

Me: Them? Pass. [Hang up]

Closing thought: Perhaps he pushes a broom on Wall Street.

Actually, I did an internet search on the real name of the firm and came up with a suspended license story. Ah, well.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 04:12 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Wow! I wonder what you missed out on!!! ;-)

Posted by: Mick at October 04, 2004 06:07 PM (Yd6SN)

2 lol... its the look on your face as you say it that would probably make me laugh hardest. hardest? - ah - you know what i mean

Posted by: standing naked at October 04, 2004 11:24 PM (IAJcf)

3 There's a Peanut Securities?

Posted by: Simon at October 05, 2004 01:45 AM (GWTmv)

4 I've GOT to stop hanging up on these people so quickly. Turns out they can be very interesting

Posted by: Elizabeth at October 05, 2004 11:11 AM (sCupo)

5 Well ya know RP, sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.....

Posted by: Wicked H at October 05, 2004 11:47 AM (iqFar)

6 As I mentioned to someone else, my favorite "sell my stocks" cold call was one where I had just been playing squash the week before with the head of the caller's entire division. He hung up so fast when I mentioned this that I never got his name. . .

Posted by: RP at October 05, 2004 02:14 PM (LlPKh)

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Hi, all,

Just a quick wave to let you know that I am still alive. Just facing some deadlines here at work. Left the house to catch that horrid 5:56 train again and I left in full night. The moon was out, sort of hidden by the clouds but illuminating them completely. It was beautiful but I just can't keep doing this. I am over committed at work (where I can't keep up with the new business), at home (where I'd rather be taking care of my children), or with all of the non profit stuff (where I have to learn to start saying, no, when asked to do more stuff).

I am definitely having one of those days in which I wonder, fleetingly, how far I can get with my car before American Express wises up to the fact that I've done a runner and cancels my charge card. Mexico? Through Central America? Maybe Argentina? If I stay away from places where the hotels, such as they are, can check with American Express, maybe further? If my next dispatch is bylined, "From the Road", you'll know what happened.

All suggestions as to destinations are welcome.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:24 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 i think out west i have always wanted to go...but have never been. have fun. ;-)

Posted by: standing naked at September 30, 2004 08:23 AM (IAJcf)

2 You've been quiet and I was wondering where you were my blog brother And, for what it's worth, you should know-you've got a good 45 days worth of Amex loving before they cut you off. Not that I've checked or anything, while entertaining thoughts of escaping to Africa...

Posted by: Helen at September 30, 2004 11:26 AM (2mqzj)

3 I had a great week in Wyoming. Flew into Salt Lake and took a nice drive north into Idaho and then followed the Snake River east into Wyoming and up into the Grand Tetons. Stayed in a lodge near Jackson Lake with no tv, no radio, no c*ll phone or blackberry reception. I would get up before dawn, drive up to a mountain top and watch the son come up over the mountains. Hiked within spitting distance of moose, elk, bison, and buffalo. Went rafting. Your weather window may have passed - but I gotta say - it was very, very, nice. Your girl child would love it. By the way . . . your blog prohibited this post until I deleted the correct spelling of a non land line phone.

Posted by: ivan at September 30, 2004 09:40 PM (xy2ZU)

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I appeared for a conference and for argument to oppose a motion this morning in the Federal District Court for the Southern District of New York. I prepared most of the day yesterday for it and took the 5:56 train this morning so that I would arrive at the office with plenty of time to get my documents organized and be calm and happy. It was pretty damn dark when I left the house this morning with not even a hint of the sunrise. Winter's coming, no doubt about it.

This was a motion I expected to lose, by the way. It was to vacate a default judgment where the defendant had not filed an answer to a complaint and been out of touch for something like 9 months. Nonetheless, this is the kind of situation that a court will bend over to alleviate because the courts have a bias in favor of deciding a case on the merits, rather than on default.

And I did lose. But not before getting a rather nice compliment from the Judge who told me that my arguments were "forceful and skillful" and that I had been a "real gentleman". He also, even though I had lost, awarded my client $1,000 in costs in opposing the motion. Do you know how rare that is? To be awarded costs when you lose the motion? That's the first time for me. So the day wasn't a total loss. I walked out of the courtroom with the knowledge that I have a lot of credibility with the Judge and that is a fabulous thing for my clients. Credibility with the court is everything. If you have it, a judge will believe your representations and give you the benefit of the doubt. If you don't have it, you are in for a whole world of trouble.

So now, I'm pretty beat. Feeling a little drained. I have a meeting in 30 minutes and then a meeting after work. I'm just waiting for the Advil to kick in and I ought to be good to go.

I saw that Mr. Green has hung it up, or at least is taking a break. Blogger fatigue? I don't know. I think that some of this is cyclical for people. I feel a little burned out today but I feel that way about everything.

Last thing and this amused me. I was on the subway going down to Court and this young man looked at me up and down and asked me, "Lawyer?" I admitted that I was and we then had a very pleasant conversation.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 03:27 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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The phone just rang through and I picked it up. The voice on the other end asked, is "Mr. Smith free?" And I just could not help myself. I actually replied:

Mr. Smith is not free, but he is cheap.

Fortunately, the fellow on the other end of the line laughed. I wonder sometimes how I manage to keep this job.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:06 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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We are getting a German law student intern for a week starting today. We are taking her as a favor to a friend who practices exclusively corporate law primarily for German clients in the United States. This should be fun for her to see how litigation is conducted here. Our friend told us that she really wants to work when she is with us. That's nice. The fact is that she will be able to contribute very little of substance to what we do on a daily basis. Most law school summer associates are useless as are most first year associates. It takes a long time to be able to practice litigation effectively and correctly and they do not really teach you much about it in law school. Still, I've supervised foreign interns before and I have an idea of what to do for them and with them and no, I don't mean to imply a reference to our last President here.

We will let her sit in on a very contentious deposition scheduled for today and I will take her with me to Court later this week. I will give her some research material and a draft pleading and ask her to write me a memo about what I need to plead in order to get around the problems this client may have. I know the answer to that question already, of course, but if the memo is any good she can walk out of here with a small writing sample.

All in all, it should be fun.

Anyone recognize the source of the title, by the way?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:54 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 283 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Fawlty Towers?

Posted by: GrammarQueen at August 24, 2004 08:27 AM (gDEwS)

2 Correct!!! Good for you, so early in the morning.

Posted by: RP at August 24, 2004 08:37 AM (LlPKh)

3 damn, beat me to it

Posted by: mikeyinbarcelona at August 24, 2004 10:04 AM (vJk6k)

4 #1 son had it downloaded on my laptop before I went to Armenia, leading my neighbors in the hotel to wonder what in the hell I was watching on Armenian TV.

Posted by: kb at August 24, 2004 11:33 AM (jVRaJ)

5 Drat... I was thinking 'Allo, 'Allo, but now that I think about it, it's definitely Faulty Towers. Oh, man, nearly starting laughing just thinking about it!

Posted by: Hannah at August 25, 2004 10:18 AM (UdFzX)

6 "I'll have the Prawn Cocktail." "One Eva Braun cocktail coming right up . . ." That was for me by far the funniest episode of Fawlty Towers ever -- from Sybil's ingrown toenail to the talking moose with the Germans in between. Re baby associates -- I decided to leave my last law firm when I saw that the first-years were getting paid more than I was as a sixth-year attorney writing telecom contracts at a premium billing rate. Grrr. I get paid only a little more now in-house but the quality of life and rewards of the work more than compensate me for the difference. Don't even get me started on how I would change state licensing schemes and law school curricula in my perfect world. . .

Posted by: John Lanius at August 25, 2004 03:40 PM (Hs4rn)

7 Farty Towels. (Well, that was one of the misspelled signs at the openning of the show.) And I thought I was gonna have a heart attack the first time I lived through that dang fire drill.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 26, 2004 01:24 AM (6xRga)

8 JL's right -that was the very best episode ever. "I think I mentioned it once but I got away with it."

Posted by: Simon at August 26, 2004 05:42 AM (OyeEA)

9 This is SUCH a well educated group of people. I love that.

Posted by: RP at August 26, 2004 02:04 PM (LlPKh)

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My Firm has just gotten retained by someone who is facing a potential $40 million judgment against him. Partial summary judgment has been entered on the first cause of action against him, his affirmative defenses and counterclaims have been dismissed, and the matter has been set down for an assessment of damages hearing. A note of issue has been filed by the plaintiff to certify discovery is complete and the case may be placed on the ready trial calendar. We appear to be long past the 20 day period in which one may move to strike the note of issue and remove the case from the calendar. We have had no discovery of any kind and need to take discovery on, inter alia, the issue of damages, both the computation and even the existence.

Welcome to my day. It's going to be quiet over here today.

Nothing like getting retained in a timely fashion.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 12:39 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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The following just got taken out of a letter I drafted to send to opposing counsel. I regret its deletion and publish it here:

During the course of our negotiations, I was treated to several unprovoked outbursts of hysterical screaming from you. Indeed, I was forced on several occasions to ask you to calm down. Most recently, on Monday, I had to suggest that due to your obvious overwrought emotional state, we hang up and continue our conversation when you had collected yourself. Based on the foregoing, and based on the vituperative personal attacks you made in your letter to me, I conclude that you have an anger management problem and I urge you to seek professional help.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 04:21 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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All the hard work over the weekend paid off today in spades as the judge granted my motion in full after a good 45 minute oral argument. I completely turned her around from the beginning, when she said that she thought we were going to need to hold a hearing to take testimony just like the plaintiff wanted, to the end, when she said, "well, now that we've really parsed the issues it's clear that no hearing is necessary for me to decide this motion". To review, quickly, I moved to disqualify plaintiffs' lawyers on the grounds of a conflict of interest and to compel these lawyers to turn over all of the files they had since because of the conflict there could be no attorney client privilege. Oh yeah, almost forgot, I also moved to have the law firm return to the company all the legal fees they charged for this conflicted and improper representation. We had one session of argument with the judge prior to this and she allowed the other side to submit additional papers. I worked all weekend on the reply papers.

It was about as close to a complete and total victory as you can get. It's nice when the good guys win one.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 03:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's probably not what you think. The Gay Pride Parade is going on right outside my office and the music totally rocks. I LOVE the gay house/dance music. Seriously, I go buy the Gay Pride CD every year down in Chelsea. How the hell do these people expect me to be able to concentrate on the memorandum of law I am drafting for submission to the Court on Tuesday (for argument on Wednesday) with this excellent, get up out of seat and dance, music pounding away just steps from my building? The music is killing my concentration! And it makes me want to get down there, join in, cheer, and "stand by my man"!!!

Let's hear it for gay marriage! All of you other Republicans who want to join me on this issue, come on out of your closets, so to speak!

Update: Now, I wanna be, a macho man.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 03:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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There was an interesting article in the NY Times today about bullying bosses. Have you ever had a boss who was a bully ("BB")? I have. I still do, in fact. My BB is named Stinky, because he is English and he doesn't always wash enough. So if you get real close to him at depositions, for instance, it'll break your concentration. Stinky is a bully. One associate who used to work here, and that reminds me that I owe her a call, used to throw up in the morning before coming to work on the days that she had to work with Stinky. On the days I worked with him, in the beginning, I used to come home from work, take a beer out of the fridge, sit down in the big, black comfy chair and not speak for about 20 minutes or so. Not one word until I was able to let the bad place go. I've seen three other associates quit rather than continue to work with him.

One associate, R, liked it. He became a mini-Stinky until the other associates practically slapped him upside the head. The article discusses this phenomenon, too.

The article also says that there is insufficient data about workers confronting their BB's. Well, I confronted him a couple of times. The first was in the beginning when he told me that I seemed to have a problem with his criticism and I told him that I did not have a problem being criticized, but the "manner in which he did it was positively lacerating". With that, he turned and walked out of my office and did not speak again to me for weeks. It was bliss. I'm still not sure why that was such a horrible thing to say, but it worked.

Stinky has class problems. He brought them with him from the England in the early 60's where he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family in London when, I bet, it wasn't so easy to be Irish-Catholic in England. He claims to have no class problems at all. Untrue. Let me give you an example. I said something to him, not that long ago, and said, "that was not criticism" and he snorted and said, "how could it be? You are an associate and I am a partner, you couldn't criticize me". See what I mean? That's a social position/class issue in my mind.

Stinky also has this faux-hail-fellow-well-met persona. You never know if he's actually angry with you or just in a good mood. That keeps you off balance and guessing.

I dislike working with him and I hate reporting to him when I have to. He is one of the big reasons I don't think I want to become a partner here.

I'm not taking this much further today down memory lane with him because almost none of them are good.

Have any of you had BB experiences? I bet you have.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:45 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Sorry to all of you who dropped by yesterday looking for something new. I was too pissed off to post yesterday after oral argument in front of a judge who was not prepared to the argument. As it turns out, it wasn't entirely her fault, as the clerk stamped over the front of my motion and obscured a portion of the relief I'd requested. It started out like this:

Court: Mr. RP, I don't understand why you think you are entitled to get all of the files and papers from the other law firm.

Me: Because the Court of Appeals says I am, your Honor. (For you non-NY lawyer types, the Court of Appeals is the highest court in the state).

It sort of went downhill from there until she figured out that she had not known what I was asking for in my motion.

Before that, though, the attorney for the plaintiff pretty much lied to the Court about the extent of his firm's activities. This was a motion to disqualify his firm from continuing to represent the plaintiff against the defendant because this firm had represented both parties at one point. That's a big no. In any event, my opponent way underplayed what they had done for my client.

At the time my opponent was speaking, the court room was fairly noisy as the attorneys who were waiting their turn for argument were chatting. When my opponent finished, I got to go. I may have been a little more dramatic, but I had outrage on my side. When I finished my presentation, I noticed that you could hear a pin drop in the court room.

Unfortunately, she gave the other side extra time to brief the issues. I, of course, get extra time to reply. And that is why I was so pissed. This should have just been submitted. The other side should not have been given another bite at that apple.

That said, an older lawyer once warned me that you should be extra cautious when a judge grants all of your smaller applications leading up to an ultimate resolution. He or she may just be creating an appeal proof record. I hope that is what is happening here.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The phone rang through here at the office so I picked it up:

Her: May I speak to John?

Me: Who may I say is calling?

Her: Donna with Opinion Marketing Research.

Me: Please hold.

Me: John, do you want to talk to Donna with Opinion Marketing Research?

John: No. Tell her that if she wants my opinion on an issue, she should call my wife [delivered in joking tone].

Me: Donna? I'm sorry, but John says that if you'd like his opinion, you need to call his wife.

Her: Oh. [silence for a second]. Does his wife make the decisions regarding the company's telecommunications needs?

Me: Most probably. Have a nice day. [hangs up].

Was that as funny to you as it was to me? Or do I need to get out more?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:08 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Someone in my office called the following item from Fox News to my attention. I am appalled. A lawyer in Oregon is planning, in defense of his client, to introduce an expert witness to testify that the reason that the defendant "whipped and broke his [two year old] son's neck and ribs [is] because he suffers from post-traumatic slave syndrome." Evidently there is some "academic" out there who, in the words of Fox News, "claims that because African Americans never got a chance to heal from slavery and still face racism, oppression and societal inequality, they suffer from multigenerational trauma."

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like a crock of sh*t? Seriously, it seems to me that makes us all prisoners of our ancestral past to the point where each of us can disclaim responsibility for our actions based on some historical slight. No matter how long ago. Hopefully the judge will think this is a crock, too.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 02:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Buzz has at least two meanings in this post.

The first meaning is derived from the fact that I have been running all morning. I have that lethal combination of caffeine plus adrenaline. I am buzzing, almost physically vibrating. I've had meetings, phone calls, and written snide and nasty letters to those who deserve snide and nasty. I have been Mr. Productive. I've also gotten nothing off of my to do list -- all of these things are from new problems! I am, I must admit, a little bummed about all of this fabulous effort I've put forth today and I have nothing really tangible to show for it. That's buzz one.

Buzz #2 refers to the word on the street about someone. There is good buzz about me, I guess, as I got a nibble on some new business today. I also got new business thrown my way on Friday. Just when it is clear that I can barely handle everything I have on my plate now, my new business possibilities are set to full steam ahead. Soon, it may very well be that there will be people, including partners, servicing the business I am bringing in. This would be odd. I am merely a senior associate and I will, for all intents and purposes, have partners reporting to me on business I generated. But I did have a partner come into my office today, sit down, and ask me if I'm free for lunch tomorrow or the next day to go over the details of one of the cases I've just brought in that he's been asked to do some work on. It just goes to show, the old law firm golden rule is still in existence: he who has the gold makes the rules. I suppose I don't really care what they call me here, associate or counsel or partner, as long as I keep bringing in the business then I will have de facto control over the economics of the situation.

Anyway, back to work.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 12:10 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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