Seriously. You know that you should consider applying for federal emergency disaster relief for your desk when the only way you can find your cell phone is to engage in autotelephonation and then it still takes you what feels like 5 minutes to find it buried in the mounds of paper on your desk.

Actually, I think I just saw the Governor go by in a helicopter as he came to inspect the disaster that is my desk.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:53 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 You actually put your phone down? Seriously? Mine is always in my hand. Always. Makes typing hard

Posted by: Helen at January 26, 2005 12:59 PM (uFX1z)

2 When it came time to choose which kind of computer I wanted the school I work for to provide, I should have asked for a Dell rather than a Mac (the choice compatable with the majority of the people I work with). If I had gotten a Dell, that powedery black finish would have shown up so much better in th eblizzard of white paper on my desk. I brought a pile of papers home with me one night, and didn't realize my computer was in among them.

Posted by: Mandalei at January 26, 2005 03:22 PM (LcyhB)

3 sometimes it is just better to sweep it all off into the trash and start over (if only we could)

Posted by: standing naked at January 27, 2005 05:40 AM (IAJcf)

4 Autotelephonation, eh? Is that legal?

Posted by: GrammarQueen at January 27, 2005 02:53 PM (glf8i)

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Here's the call you hate getting from a client at any time of the day, really, but particularly first thing in the morning:

Guess what? I've just been made the subject of a Federal indictment. What are we gonna do?

One of my colleagues just got that call, now.

Oh, joy.

[cynicism]You really hate it when that happens to a client who has been sooo good about paying his or her bills.[/cynicism]

In all seriousness, I'm truly bummed. I like this guy a lot, actually.

UPDATE

Actually, the call came from the client's wife to say that her husband had just been taken away, in handcuffs, by six Federal agents.

No word on whether the agents were singing: "Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you. . ." Seemed tacky to ask her, really.

Federal indictments suck.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:42 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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I'm way jealous that Jan at Secular Blasphemy got to this story first.

The group of prospective jurors was summoned to listen to a case of Tennessee trailer park violence.

Right after jury selection began last week, one man got up and left, announcing, "I'm on morphine and I'm higher than a kite."

When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, a prospective juror said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. He said he was provoked because his nephew just would not come out from under the bed.

Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

Another prospect volunteered he probably should not be on the jury: "In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin (as your lawyer), you're probably guilty." He was not chosen.

The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother's girlfriend in the face with a brick. Ballin's client was found not guilty.

"[H]ad all her teeth". *Snicker* I'd also be concerned if I was Mr. Ballin who has the reputation in the community for the counsel of choice for those who are guilty. I thought it was a nice touch for the article to note that Ballin got this guy off.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:32 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 You know, as soon as I saw that this was a story about those crazy people in Tennessee, I just had to cover my eyes and hope for the best. I still remember when an F-16 went down in Nashville, and the only person they found with whom to do an interview was a barely competent man who had been "lyin' nekkid in the bed with his girlfriend and up and thowed her crosst t'other side of the room". My mom was barely able to speak coherently when she saw that on CNN, she was so mad--noone likes to be guilty by association! There will be no smashing people in the face with bricks at my Nashville weddin'. We're civilized people, and will use folding chairs instead

Posted by: Mandalei at January 19, 2005 09:24 AM (LcyhB)

2 A popular joke in my neck of the woods about Lake County in Northern California, which has an extraordinarily high rate of methamphetamine use and production combined with the highest rate of residents on SSI in the state goes like this: Q. What do you get when you have five people in the bar at Konochti? A. A full set of teeth!

Posted by: Mark at January 20, 2005 08:02 AM (mk4dk)

3 Excellent & amusing tales, as usual, RP. That said, I would venture that the emotion you felt was envy, not jealousy...

Posted by: GrammarQueen at January 21, 2005 12:10 PM (X3Lfs)

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