Of late, I have stopped reading the NY Times in the morning. That may have something to do with my reduced output here, no doubt. But, as a result, I have begun to wonder if I am somewhat less informed than I used to be. I read the Times with catholic interest, reading just about everything, or at least the beginnings of everything, and, thus, was probably broadly well informed. I stopped reading it when I stopped my weekday subscription. They just couldn't get it to my house early enough for me to read on my usual 5:27 a.m. train into the city.

I read it this morning, though. Happily, I see I have not changed and they have not changed. My little epiphany came during the reading of an article concerning a $100 million gift to the Yale School of Music which will result in free tuition for all graduate students. Evidently, the scale of the gift bothered those with more delicate social conscious who felt, inter alia, that $20 million would have done the trick just fine and the rest could have gone to a greater social good somewhere else, to alleviate pain or suffering, or just to provide someone in the less developed world with soft serve ice cream. Ok, I made that last bit up. Sue me.

In any event, as I settled back to read the music critic's chipper and spirited (sort of) defense of this gift, both as a music critic and as a self-identified proud Yalie, I read the following little passage:

Those raising ethical questions about the gift to the Yale School of Music should first put the dollar amount in perspective. Private and corporate donors in America have to compensate for the government's negligible support of the fine arts.

And I thought, gee, no, not really. You see, Yale-boy, the government is under no real obligation so far as I can tell to provide any support for the fine arts. It, uh, ain't in the Constitution, as best as I can recall. The government isn't supposed to be in the business of supporting art, of picking some art that it likes better than other art, of allowing some art to thrive while other art withers on the vine for lack of a governmental purse. I know that the government does provide subsidies to the arts, but my view is totally opposed to our friend from Yale, the critic.

I don't think that the government should provide any support to the arts, other than allowing taxable deductions to be written off against income tax. I don't accept the premise that the arts require support.

I certainly don't think that any private corporation has the obligation to support the arts. The corporation has, primarily, an obligation to its shareholders, not to the starving artist, unless the business of the corporation is art.

I think that to permit strong funding of the arts leads to bad art, if not corrupt art or lazy art. I think that artists, if they wish to be artists, either need to be possessed of independent means or be good enough to be self-supporting. If the artist receives support no matter how jejune the art, well, you see where I'm going with this.

Once again, I disagree with the NY Times. Quelle surprise.

I await your dissent with great interest. Assuming you have some.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 04:16 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 579 words, total size 3 kb.

The Boy Child, at school yesterday, was bitten by one of his classmates while playing at being animals. The teacher described it as coming to her attention thanks to a blood-curdling scream. She explained that no skin was broken and no bleeding took place and the Boy Child was given ice for his arm. I really wasn't fussed, I must confess and I told the teacher, "no blood, no foul".

So, we all stood there, his teachers, me, and the Boy Child and I looked down at his beautiful face and I asked him, gently, what happened.

He told me: "people bite me up i my crass".

Someone bit you in your class?

"Ja".

And what happened next?

"Teacher hente meg ice" (my teacher got me ice).

Well, next time someone bites you, you bite them back, ok?

Ok.

His teachers laughed. They thought I was kidding.

The Girl Child didn't think I was kidding. The first thing she asked her brother when she heard about it was, "did you bite them back?" And then she told him, next time someone hurts you, you hit them back. Or pull their hair.

She understands. I've explained the hitting rules to her before. She is allowed to hit only if someone hits her or if someone hits her brother.

You have to stand up for yourself and for yours in this world. No one else will do it for you.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 02:04 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 244 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Agreement. Total. It beats me how the new philosophy is our kids are not to allow themselves to be victims but yet they shouldn't fight back. There's something missing in that equation.

Posted by: Roberta S at November 23, 2005 03:29 PM (kKo+q)

2 That was always the rule in our house,too. You may not hit first, but if somebody hits, bites, pulls your hair, whatever, then go for it kid! Must be the Barrister's School of Hard Knocks

Posted by: Jocelyn at November 23, 2005 03:34 PM (jkRb/)

3 I LOVE YOU FOR THIS, RP! YAYYYYY! The schools won't be happy about it but too bad. You're right. It's the truth. This whole PC BS these last few years about kids learning they cannot defend themselves at school has been driving me up the wall.

Posted by: Amber at November 23, 2005 06:31 PM (zQE5D)

4 Don't be too surprised if you find out one day that his school is one of them whacky ones that actually blame a fight on the kid that threw the second punch because of that "it takes two to tango and the Boy Child should have let the aggression go rather than escalate the violence by continuing it" short-sighted bend-over-and-take-it nonsense.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 23, 2005 11:44 PM (ZqFjh)

5 I am in compleete and total agreement with you, m'dear. (No big shock, there, though, huh?) I just stopped in to wish you and your lovely family a beauteous thanksgiving. xoxo

Posted by: Margi at November 24, 2005 03:33 AM (nwEQH)

6 When I was his age, my father instilled the same lesson in me. He was rather adamant that I understand that I was nevber to start a fight. But if someone picked on me, I should do my best to end it. His advice to me? Kick him in the balls as hard as you can. Drop him, and end it right away. Gave my mother fits, and I never had to actually resort to that. But it instilled in me an important lesson, the same one you have imparted to your son. Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted by: Mark at November 24, 2005 10:52 AM (ICmVA)

7 Happy Thanksgiving, RP! Just remember to tell the Boy Child that he doesn't have to wait for the turkey to bite him first.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 24, 2005 01:01 PM (fiAeQ)

8 You go, girl child!

Posted by: Hannah at November 26, 2005 04:48 PM (ImQx2)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Abstemious.

ThatÂ’s the word of the day for Thanksgiving this year. Why, you may wonder, would I associate the word abstemious for a holiday that has become practically a byword for gluttony?

Because our littlest bio-terrorist gave the Viking Bride and me the gift that keeps on giving. And giving. And giving.

Matching stomach bugs. Hit us both at about 2:30 on Monday morning. The Viking Bride is of an iron constitution and got up and spent the day training the new nanny.

I spent it in bed, more or less, and I think you know what I mean by that qualifier.

Thus, I anticipate a quiet Thanksgiving, a Thanksgiving spent more for the company than the food. The company has always been good, in the past. In the past, though, weÂ’ve all always eaten too much. Way too much. And that has always been fun. The Viking Bride once described hunger on Thanksgiving as the absence of feeling sick.

I hope that you all have a safe and terrific Thanksgiving.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 01:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 177 words, total size 1 kb.

We dads who are fortunate enough to take care of our kids all by ourselves don't like to be called "Mr. Mom". I speak for myself only in that. I prefer to be called Primary Caregiver. Too much? How about Happy Homemaker?

You see, the in-laws have escaped back to Norway and we have a gap in coverage of several days. I took yesterday off from work and will take tomorrow, too. It was glorious. Simply, totally, glorious.

We were on time to school, hair brushed, ready to go. So what that the Girl Child's knees were almost torn out on her jeans? Kindly, no one said anything.

We waited, after depositing the Girl Child, for the appearance of the fire truck. "Harrow, Fireman", sang out the Boy Child! It was a glorious pumper truck capable of holding some 750 gallons. And the Boy Child and I had the exclusive attention of the firemen for about 10 minutes while the school got organized. We got to see inside the truck and I got to take a picture of the Boy Child on the truck. Then the firemen had to leave to respond to a call so we got to watch them change into their gear. The Boy Child was very impressed.

I decided that this was a good learning opportunity, so I suggested, to great acclaim from the Boy Child, that we remove ourselves to the library and take out books on firetrucks. I made him go up to the librarians and ask where those books might be found. We each pulled up a windsor chair and poked around through them until we had selected a couple of interesting ones. We then killed a little time reading other books and selecting other ones to add to our pile. He was very well behaved, although he did object to being called "tomato", as in my instructions to him when he lags behind: "Catch up, my little tomato". (Get it? Catch up/Catsup?)

Off we then went to the supermarket, where, happily ensconced in one of the shopping carts with a pretend car stuck to the front, we "made groceries", as we used to say in New Orleans. Oh, and where he kind of embarrassed me. On the way in, he asked me a question and I replied, either, "yes, sir" or "no, sir". Well, I guess he liked that because throughout the store, he kept calling me "sir". He'd stick his golden little head out of his car and call back to me, loudly, "sir!". I got a couple of looks from little old ladies who wondered, one of them audibly, about the kind of discipline I kept my son under. Embarrassed or not, I did nothing to discourage him. He was having fun and that was all that mattered to me. And besides, I kept changing aisles as quick as I could!

After that, we picked the Girl Child up from school (after stopping to acquire more lightbulbs). She was happy to see us and off we went home where I simply dropped all the bags from the supermarket on the floor of the kitchen in order to speed the preparation of the requested mac and cheese. It was consumed with great happiness and we repaired to the bed chambers to read pre-nap stories. I had just gotten the Girl Child into bed and the Boy Child changed into his diaper when the doorbell rang.

It was the plumber who had come to charge me $120 to do nothing with my outside taps. He told me that I have frost-free pipes, showed me how to turn them off, and explained that nothing needed to be done to them to prepare them for winter. He declined to charge me less than his service fee which I thought a bit much since he showed up, poked his head into my basement, and left. Still, happy enough a report.

The Boy Child went off to bed with no protest and so did the Girl Child. At least, the Girl Child went off to bed and stayed up there long enough for me to install the new portable 250G hard-drive for the laptop so that I could back up all 4.5 years of kid pictures. We'd be devestated if they were lost and it seemed like a good idea to back 'em up.

The Girl Child quit her boudoir just as I was about to start preparing dinner. Cauliflower soup (omit the truffles when making for kids) and chili (omit all spicy bits for kids). Both from scratch.

I sat the Girl Child up on the counter and she kept me company while I cooked. After a bit, while I had been slipping her pieces of yellow and orange pepper, she said the nicest thing to me:

Pappa, I'm having such a nice time. We're chatting about nice things, you're giving me yummy things to snack on, and I'm just enjoying being with you. Its so nice!

Note to self: check on getting her pony.

Seriously, I almost melted into a puddle in the middle of the floor. And before you ask, that's exactly how she put it. I am constantly shocked by how bright and mature she is. Waaay beyond 4.5 years old.

Eventually, she went off to color while I finished cooking and cleaned the kitchen.

Promptly at five, the Boy Child awoke and joined us. The chili was a big hit. He ate his entire bowl (unusual for him) and she had two bowls and a bowl of soup, too.

One small conflict during dinner resulted in my raising my voice to the Boy Child (who was making a huge mess). His reply? Finger pointing at me, shaking up and down, he bellowed: "Stop! Yell! ME!" He's got a bit of a temper on him, that's for sure. I loved it.

After dinner, we made a mess in the playroom, danced to bad music from the 80's, and read stories, all until Mamma got home from work around 7 or 7:30.

Off went the kids to bed and I changed lightbulbs and took out garbage and otherwise made myself useful.

It was just a perfect day.

If I had the financial ability to pay my mortgage without the need to work, I suspect I'd be very quick to be the stay at home dad full time.

I anticipate another lovely day tomorrow. We also, tomorrow, will go to spend shabbat with my grandfather again as we did last Friday.

So, if I don't have time to post tomorrow, have a great weekend y'all!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 02:23 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 1109 words, total size 6 kb.

You know that you have spent too much time watching your dvd collection of the entire Wooster and Jeeves set (all four seasons, baby) when you sign off on an email to your wife with: "Tootle pip, my little inebriated newt fancier".

My in-laws enjoyed watching these things.

At the conclusion of the Sunday night episode viewing, my father in law noticed he left a ring on the shelf of one of our bookshelves. He called my mother in law in for the rescue. While she was scrubbing away at the ring, we had the following conversation:

F-i-L (to me): You know, she doesn't even charge me for this!

M-i-L (to him, having not heard what he said): You have to be more careful. You know that. [tone, restrained fury, words bitten off]

Me (to F-i-L): You know, just because she doesn't charge you, doesn't mean you don't pay.

I thought the good man was going to fall out of his chair, he was laughing so hard.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:07 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 167 words, total size 1 kb.

Where did they go, the alien race incubating on the backs of women in New York City and other large cities? You've seen them, haven't you? Women striding confidently through the streets of the city sporting small pod like things hanging from their backs. They used to be all the rage. Everyone had them. It got to the point where I was convinced that there was a plot, that aliens had taken over the women and convinced them to carry the seeds of the destruction of the human race on their backs until the aliens were strong enough to take us all. Or, maybe they were just carrying a lot of credit cards. Not sure which is worse actually. Alien slave or credit card debtor.

You decide.

Whatever did happen to those little back pack things anyway and when did they leave us?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:02 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 149 words, total size 1 kb.

Maybe just some small gratification.

Over the weekend at some point, I clicked over the 50k counter for unique visits since I was invited to move over to MuNu. Fifty thousand visitors later and I still haven't done much to tart the place up (thanks again Margi, for the cool banners you made out of my photographs!).

Anyway, thanks for coming, y'all. Not too many entries these past few days. I've been a bit preoccupied with my grandfather. I'm itching to write something, though, so be patient and I will update soon.

Pax tibi and thanks for all the visits and the comments!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 05:21 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 111 words, total size 1 kb.

A day at the hospital was . . . what. IÂ’m kind of at a loss to describe it. I suppose it was fulfilling.

I spent the whole day, from about 9 in the morning to 7 at night. My grandfather alternated between sleep and alert and awake and communicative. One cousin drove up from D.C. and another flew in from San Diego. Both came to say goodbye. IÂ’m glad they were able to attend and spend a little time with him.

The medical treatment has been halted. No more antibiotics and no feeding tube. The anti-seizure medication is still going in and he is receiving enough fluids through his iv line to keep the line open. But nothing more. No nourishment. This is at his express direction. He told his sons yesterday that he is ready to die, that he wants to die, that he doesnÂ’t want and will not live like this anymore.

And yet, somehow, now that he has made this decision, he seems very calm about it. Except for the pain, of course. That he is not calm about but he is refusing medication. He seems determined to wring every little bit out of the remaining time he has left. He is, when he is with us, totally with us. Total attention. Questions, memories, love, flirting with the nurses, and a sharp and fierce light burning behind his eyes, still. His speech is impaired but thatÂ’s not slowing him down.

I told him lots of things, yesterday. One thing I said to him was: “You’ve taught me so many things in my life and now you’re teaching me how to die; with strength and with dignity”. It is a useful lesson to learn.

I managed to tell him that I love him without breaking down. He knew that already but I was determined to repeat it to him. How many more times do I get to tell him that? He told me that he loves me, too.

Now I need a moment, here, to get myself together.

I also told him that he was the most important influence in my life. He nodded and then fell asleep holding my hand.

And I broke down a bit and sobbed quietly as he slept.

Before that, though, I reminded him that the Girl Child and the Boy Child had been there all day the day before. And it was the only time I saw him smile. He absolutely grinned with pure pleasure. And I told him that the Boy Child insisted on kissing him while he slept and then insisted on being picked up to do it again because he wasnÂ’t satisfied with the first kiss he gave my grandfather. My grandfather grinned again.

We reminisced yesterday about the trips we took – houseboating on Lake George and down the Sacramento River, touring Israel in 1983 and hiking together up Mount Masada. Trips to Washington D.C. and trips to watch the Harvard-Yale game.

I reminded him about how he cheated me on every single hand when I told him that I learned how to play poker and he suggested that I play with him. After we played, he told me that he cheated on every hand, that I didnÂ’t notice, and that I should never play again. And I never have.

After we talked about that, he grimaced in pain and I asked him if I could get him anything. He said, “a new deck” and I told him that if I did, he’d probably just cheat me again and he said, “probably”.

I’ll end this note with an exchange he had with my father, his son in law. My father came in and apologized for forgetting to bring the wine and my grandfather said to him: “a fatal error”.

I cried, off and on, the whole drive home. I donÂ’t recommend driving on I-95, in heavy traffic, while crying.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:25 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 658 words, total size 4 kb.

I spent much of the day at the hospital yesterday. Well, maybe that wasn't true. We spent about four hours there. We brought the children with us. They played in my grandfather's room while he slept and while he had small seizures in his sleep. They are used to his being in a hospital setting, having visited him most weekends while he was in the rehab facility, so this was not disturbing for them. Although we did tell the Girl Child that he was dying. Having the kids at the hospital, along with my uncles and my mother, made it seem much better somehow. Much less scary, much more like death is a normal part of life. I am not explaining this well and I don't know that I can. It is just that they were not shielded from this experience and the way they regularly went over to him in the course of their play to talk to him and tell him that they loved him and to tell him the news about our new baby just made it seem so every day. They were not scared by his appearance. In fact, the Boy Child insisted that I hold him up so that he could kiss his great grandfather on his cheek. Twice. The Girl Child insisted on the same.

We don't know how much my grandfather heard of all this. He was drifting in and out of his stupor and having multiple small seizures.

He's had a major stroke, as it turns out. There is no hope of improvment and he wants nothing heroic, nothing invasive done to him to prolong his life. I cannot blame him in this. The man can no longer swallow as a result of the stroke.

I stayed with him when everyone went to get lunch. I just couldn't bring myself to leave.

He woke at around 3:30. I was sitting next to him and I held his hand. He held my hand very tightly.

I tried so very hard not to cry. Just like I'm trying now. Mostly its working.

The Girl Child wanted to know why I was so sad and I explained it to her later.

It seemed to me that he was trying to say goodbye to me. I think he was. At least, sitting here now I am sure of it. I talked to him about some of my cherished memories, I held his hand tightly while he experienced pain, he tried to speak to me, I held on when I was afraid I was going to break down entirely and couldn't trust myself to speak, I somewhere found inside myself a place where I could speak to him calmly and soothingly. He knew I was there and he knew who I was and he nodded in the right places.

I relinquished my spot after about 20 minutes to my aunt, his sister. She's the eldest so she must be about 95. She was driven down by my cousin, her daughter, from New Jersey. It took two hours and I think that they both knew that they were saying goodbye. They were very close all their lives.

I abhor melodrama and I don't think I am being melodramatic here. But, while he was talking to his sister, I locked eyes with my grandfather from the foot of his bed. His eyes, for just a moment, looked so fierce to me, so filled with resolve and with the spark. So trapped in his frail body. I felt as if he were saying goodbye to me.

I'm going back this morning.

Just because I think he may have already said goodbye to me doesn't mean for a moment that I have said goodbye to him. Or that I'm going to let him die without my being there for him.

We've always been very close. I have no doubts that while he loves all of his grandchildren very much, I was the first born and I was without question his favorite.

I hate this.

He was right, some months ago, when he told my father that it is very hard to come into this world and it is just as hard going out.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 06:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 710 words, total size 4 kb.

It is for me. Purely for me. I need a moment, a space, a place, where I can be very sad.

You see, I'm not ready. I'm not willing or . . . . I don't know. I'm not prepared to, although I'm going to, take my children with me down to Greenwich Hospital this weekend and say goodbye to my grandfather.

He's had a stroke and has an infection in his heart.

My mother and her brothers had a long discussion with him today. He wants off the medication, on the morphine, and, well, off the planet. On his terms. On his decision.

I realize some may read that to mean he has a suicide urge. I don't know why I'm going to address that since, as I pointed out, this one isn't for you anyway. He doesn't. He just knows, as we all do, that he is very ill and will not get better, will not shake this, will not improve, will no longer have a quality of life to speak of, will no longer what, exactly?

I need a moment. I will not cry at my desk, ok?

Will no longer be able to put the top down in the car like he did when I was a kid in the autumn to look at the leaves; will no longer speak to me in that outrageous half English, half Cambridge, all 1930's Harvard accent;

I'm not ready to finish this right now. I am not ready to reduce to a list, in some electronic form, my precious memories of him. Not yet. I'll have to do it soon. Some of these memories, frankly, go to the absolute core of who I am as a person. They are my touchstones, rubbed a little shiny and smooth at the edges, but they are experiences that have formed me. His influence on my life cannot be overstated.

But I cannot reflect on it all now. No.

Now, I have to go home and celebrate my wedding anniversary today. Well, maybe not celebrate.

I am devastated. I knew that he was going to go one day. And I always worried that if he did, I would collapse, that I would get all hollowed out and slowly deflate. That may still happen, I suppose. Beats me.

I am closing comments for the first time.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 04:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 404 words, total size 2 kb.

Last night was devoted to walking the streets with the children as we engaged in a mild form of extortion, demanding protection candy as a form of insurance for the next year. Everyone paid; nobody got hurt.

Well, the Girl Child got hurt. She got run down by someone in the pack of children she was trying to keep up with. Her bag got a little scrunched, she claims, and this made her very sad. We were off trick or treating with some friends and their children and the Girl Child was the youngest of the group, not including the Boy Child who, while with the group, was not not of the group. She started by holding my hand and walking with me. By the middle of the excursion, she told me that she did not want to hold my hand anymore and made it clear that she wanted to go with the bigger kids. I allowed her, with some reservations. Then she skinned her knee and her hand when she fell or was pushed. After that, she stuck closer by and held my hand. Also, she was getting tired.

The kids were adorable, though. She was a witch and he was a "blue toot-toot guy", a train engineer in a blue hat. They thanked everyone who gave them candy and said trick or treat after they deposited the candy in their bags and they resisted correction on the timing of the salutation. I didn't try very hard to correct them and really why should I?

They have had a good week. On Sunday, we took them to the Circus when Ringling Bros, etc., came to the arena in Bridgeport. Such excitement, so much cotton candy. Their pleasure in the cotton candy was balanced by my shock at having to pay $9 for the bag of it. I thought that was astonishing. What impressed the Boy Child the most, you may wonder? Was it the elephants, the lions, the acrobats? No, it was a very short skit with two clowns and a giant toothbrush. He is still talking about the "teethbrush" and going to visit it again.

On Saturday, we all trooped off to a military museum in Danbury. They were having an "open turret" day and that meant we could climb on the tanks and look inside and climb into the other vehicles. The kids and I had a marvelous time. My father in law is a military history buff and, while we were clambering on the tanks, he was deep in conversation with a volunteer guide.

All in all, a successful day. Indeed, if not for the nanny situation, it would have been quite a wonderful weekend.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 04:10 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 455 words, total size 2 kb.

Yup, that's right, another year has rolled on by and I am another year older. I refer you, respectfully, to my Today in History edition of last year of this same date, to see what cool things happened and who was born or died on First November.

I have been up since three o'clock this morning. Couldn't sleep for some reason, not really sure why. So I thought I might come down and reflect a little on the year past. I had some big changes and there are more on the horizon. I'd like to review: bought and sold a house; moved to Connecticut; seriously pondered career changes and began the inevitably slow process of effectuating same; watched my much beloved grandfather go from hale and hearty to a bare shell of the once robust and wonderful man he was for all my life; began interacting with my son as he began to talk; had the joy (mixed with terror) of hearing my wife tell me that she was pregnant; was put on the board of an old and august institution; made a couple of new friends; began to exercise every business day; perfected a recipe for black beans that is so good that if you tasted it you'd go home and punch your mama in da mouth (and it is vegetarian, Helen!); went to London all by my lonesome and met Helen; had dinner with Simon; and, through many acts of grace, small and large, had my faith in the essential goodness of man re-affirmed. Oh yeah, I should also add that this was another year in which I learned that the love I had for my wife and children the year before was shallow and insignificant compared with the love I feel for them now.

I don't have any idea, really, what the next year of life may bring for me and for those lives I necessarily touch, and I can't really forecast anything, but just the same, I hope it is a year of growth. I hope it is a year of plenty, in the sense that our little family will grow by one more and that one more, I hope, will be healthy. I hope it is a year of continued good health. I hope it is a year of, if not reasonably good fortune, at least not bad fortune.

There is something deliciously self-indulgent about making yourself a pot of coffee at three o'clock in the morning. I'm going to go back and enjoy it now. As we are now without nanny, as you may have noticed from the post from yesterday, I am going to spend the evening at home. Yes, there will be a good bottle of wine involved but no, it will not be a quiet evening out. Still, sounds like it might be just fine.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 03:56 AM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
Post contains 482 words, total size 3 kb.

1 "I should also add that this was another year in which I learned that the love I had for my wife and children the year before was shallow and insignificant compared with the love I feel for them now." Brought a tear to my eye. Lovely.

Posted by: Mia at November 01, 2005 06:26 AM (1xMuf)

2 happy birthday rp!

Posted by: sn at November 01, 2005 08:50 AM (cHOGW)

3 Happy Birthday,RP. Enjoy your day.

Posted by: Jocelyn at November 01, 2005 10:40 AM (jkRb/)

4 Happy birthday! My youngest shares today with you as her birthday.

Posted by: Jordana at November 01, 2005 11:00 AM (jZLsU)

5 Happy Birthday RP!! Wishing you happiness today and all days. Hugz!

Posted by: Wicked H at November 01, 2005 11:29 AM (iqFar)

6 Have a great birthday. Even if you can't celebrate the way you planned, enjoy it.

Posted by: owlish at November 01, 2005 11:44 AM (rzugH)

7 Aha! A fellow Scorpio! I knew there was a reason why we got along so well! Happy Birthday, RP!

Posted by: Kathy at November 01, 2005 12:37 PM (kZ6IS)

8 I'll be sure to raise a glass in your honor tonight. Happy Birthyday RP!!!

Posted by: phin at November 01, 2005 12:47 PM (Xvpen)

9 Happy birthday, RP! You share a birthdate with my second son.

Posted by: JohnL at November 01, 2005 05:13 PM (YVul2)

10 Just raised a glass to ya, RP! Well... a can, actually. Happy birthday!!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 01, 2005 07:05 PM (ScR/I)

11 Well, Happy Happy Birthday, my friend. Many happy returns of the day! A toast to your health, happiness, and life of continued riches! Cheers! ; )

Posted by: Christina at November 01, 2005 09:00 PM (zJsUT)

12 Many happy returns, mate.

Posted by: Simon at November 02, 2005 01:53 AM (UKqGy)

13 May the year ahead bring everything you wish for and then some. Happy Birthday, RP.

Posted by: Jennifer at November 02, 2005 06:31 AM (y4DOI)

14 Hope you had a wonderful Birthday! Here's to a good year ahead. You know, I love being up early in the morning, but since I also love to sleep in that doesn't happen very often. Still, there is something about the quiet at 3 a.m. Best of luck with the nanny search.

Posted by: Turtleherder at November 02, 2005 10:56 AM (aot1k)

15 Your life is a rich feast. Happy birthday!

Posted by: Amy at November 02, 2005 10:59 AM (nUCsP)

16 Your description of the year past calls to mind Kipling: If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it... Many happy returns, RP, and heartiest belated congratulations on your latest good news re #3.

Posted by: MCNS at November 02, 2005 12:31 PM (pbCqD)

17 Belated happy birthday! So, ah, any chance you'll share that black bean recipe? (Not that I'm looking to punch my mama in da mouth.)

Posted by: nic at November 02, 2005 04:06 PM (l+W8Z)

18 Hey! I left a Happy Birthday message here yesterday! But now I don't see it...I think I opened up your next comment box too quickly, RP and it got erased. So here it is again: HAPPY BIRTDHAY! Belated. Still works, though. And I loved what you said about the love for your family. Yes, it keeps growing, doesn't it? Amazing!

Posted by: Amber at November 02, 2005 06:42 PM (zQE5D)

19 Happy birthday and many happy returns. I always wondered about that "happy returns" thing. I mean, it's nice to wish money on somebody but should you really bring up taxes when wishing somebody well?

Posted by: Jim at November 03, 2005 03:51 PM (tyQ8y)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Here's a good way not to quit a job. I learned this from our last nanny who, speaking of last, lasted only 4 weeks before cleaning out her room and leaving us a note to inform us that she was quitting. I wouldn't have found the note on Friday (the day she fled) if I had not gone into her room to close the storm windows on her windows. I am sure we were not meant to find the note before Sunday. Unfortunately for her, my concern for her comfort (closing the storms), meant that we found the note with sufficient time to stop payment on her last paycheck (she had a couple of hundred dollars in personal expenses on our American Express card that I was NOT prepared to eat, thank you very much, and I noticed she neglected to leave us a check for that on her way out, a pure oversight, I'm sure).

I am furious. To leave without notice, without warning, without giving us a chance to find someone new, without even saying goodbye to the children, this is so terribly irresponsible.

We interviewed another nanny on Saturday. She would have been a good fit for us. Unfortunately, she "prayed on it" and let's say, merely, that G-d was not with us on this one. She didn't put it like that to me this morning, but that was the upshot.

We would be in a hell of a bind right now if it were not for my in-laws staying with us and pitching in. The in-laws presence makes this a mitigated disaster.

The time for us to find someone new is limited, however, and, while I suspect it will work out just fine in the long run, the stress in the short run is not at all welcome.

Ah, well, off to make some more phone calls.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:10 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 323 words, total size 2 kb.

Found this one at Even Me:

King Edward I You scored 61 Wisdom, 77 Tactics, 56 Guts, and 52 Ruthlessness!

Or rather, King Edward the Longshanks if you've seen Braveheart. You, like Edward, are incredibly smart and shrewd, but you win at any costs.... William Wallace died at his hands after a fierce Scottish rebellion against his reign. Despite his reputation though, Longshanks had the best interests of his people at heart. But God help you if you got on his bad side.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:35 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 153 words, total size 4 kb.

Scott Adams has put up his own blog, talking about, among other things, the creative process of writing Dilbert and what gets rejected and what gets published. Very cool.

Thanks for the tip, Owlish!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:26 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

Listening to the radio last night on the way home from the train station. I am such a geek these days that mostly I listen to 880 on the a.m. dial. The all news station. Anyway, they warned us not to hold our credit cards out while standing on line in a store. People with cell phones, they cautioned us, could take pictures of our card and use the information they captured to clone our cards and steal our identities.

Seems a little far fetched to me. Anyone agree with them?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 105 words, total size 1 kb.

I had a meeting that kept me in the city last night. As if I wasn't already busy enough, I also chair a committee that handles interview requests for applicants to my undergraduate university. You want an interview to said institution and you live in NYC? You come through my office. We had our annual admissions office meeting last night with the admissions staff member who handles our area.

I found myself, in the twilight (sounds better in Norwegian, by the way: skumring), taking a bus up Madison Avenue to the upper reaches of the 70's. It has indeed been a long time since I have done this. I used to live in the lower 70's over by Second Avenue (by still my beating heart, I know you miss it). That was a less swank part of the Upper East Side ("UES"). The swank bits are really closer to the Park. Anyway, I like bussing up Madison. I much prefer it to the subway. There are windows you can look out, you can watch people, you can look at the everchanging array of shops (they change, mutate, go out of business, reinvent themselves with startling regularity).

I was struck by how interesting the UES felt, now that I no longer live there or go there on a daily basis. There was something about it that was odd. It took me a while to put my finger on it but I think I figured it out. It was money and all that entails. Let me elaborate. There are many, many stores on the gold coast part of the UES. Many restaurants, many service establishments (spas, etc.). They are filled with people who are there to help you, to make you feel better, to fill your requests, to respond to your needs (real or perceived, doesn't matter), to help you figure out what needs you haven't realized are unmet yet, and to just cater to you. That gives off a vibe. It is sort of smothering to pass through it, even if, like me, you don't have the bank account to be part of the target audience for this horde of service people. But still, a vibe. A comforting vibe that suggests that you never have to leave this cocoon of the UES, that all of your desires can be fulfilled with a smile here, that you will be taken care of. Money buys that. Money makes it feel that way. Money drives the UES.

You don't get that feeling in the suburbs where I live now.

I miss living on the UES but I'm kind of happy I don't live among the perpetually catered to, the always self-satisfied anymore.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:21 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 462 words, total size 2 kb.

I'm very touched by all the nice comments and good wishes you all have sent our way! We're a bit nervous about it all since, without going into detail, the last two pregnancies, while they have produced wonderful and beautiful children, were not very easy on the Viking Bride, not to mention her long suffering mate (that'd be me).

I'm kind of amused by some of the naming suggestions you all have offered. However, I would point out that we ourselves are constrained by the need to have whatever name we choose be easy to pronounce in Norwegian. Recall, if you will, that the Viking Bride speaks only Norwegian to the kids. If we can't pronounce the name in both English and Norwegian, it just ain't gonna fly. That requirement narrows our field of choice considerably.

Also, as some of you have helpfully pointed out, I have a naming problem for the child to be. I have a Girl Child and I have a Boy Child, already. What am I going to call this new child on my blog? Beats me. However, while still in utero, I will be referring to said new child as BNT, for Baby Number Three. Hope that helps. Any suggestions you all care to make to help me solve this problem would be greatly appreciated.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 02:40 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
Post contains 238 words, total size 1 kb.

1 You know, Ari is not only Lion in Hebrew but Eagle in Norwegian. ;-)

Posted by: Linda at October 26, 2005 03:31 PM (4gch1)

2 Well, if BNT turns out to be a girl, you could go with Girl Child the Elder and Girl Child the Younger. And if BNT turns out to a boy then... well, y'know... Or, you could just give them names like, say, Dimple, Squiggy and Goblin. And I have no idea what Norwegian sounds like, but I've always liked the name Snapdragon. Would Snapdragon work? Jus' tryin' to help.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 26, 2005 07:12 PM (CsMXV)

3 Congratulations! I think what you have here are a Big Sister, a Big Brother and a Little One. Good luck!

Posted by: Terri at October 26, 2005 07:58 PM (bHnTx)

4 See what happens when I miss a day of blog-reading? I'm thrilled for you guys, and can't wait to follow along with Viking Bride's pregnancy. You're not just trying to keep up with Margi, are you? BTW, I love the previous commenter's suggestion of Ari, for either a boy or girl. I considered Ariana for my daughter, but a friend somehow convinced me that it sounded too much like "bitchy society girl." Harumph. As if that's a bad thing?

Posted by: Allison at October 26, 2005 10:50 PM (fGEhd)

5 I'm recommending Phin Munu again. It's easily pronounced in Vietnamese also, making it Tri-lingual. Although I imagine the Viking Bride will have the same reply my wife did, which was, Not a snowball's chance in hell.

Posted by: phin at October 27, 2005 09:04 AM (Xvpen)

6 I can relate--my inlaws are Thai, and the Thai language has a lot of beautiful names, but we are considering naming our son something like "Rory" just to give Grandma fits.

Posted by: David at October 27, 2005 10:32 AM (Mlped)

7 Thor, Loki, or Odin.

Posted by: John at October 27, 2005 01:08 PM (DbDi4)

8 Sincere congratulations for now RPÂ’s FIVE!

Posted by: crow at October 27, 2005 01:12 PM (kvH/U)

9 Locutus as a suggestion from yesterday made me choke. AHAHAHAHA! Okay, seriously, you could have BC, GC and NC; New Child. Or NB for "New Baby". Of course, he/she won't be "new" for long. I like the sibling suggestions too. :-) Just an overall "yay" again from me. *still beaming*

Posted by: Amber at October 27, 2005 04:52 PM (zQE5D)

10 Much congratulations. Your joy and pride in your other children has always been obvious, and those are great gifts to give a child. This one will be a fortunate child also.

Posted by: Peggy at October 27, 2005 11:00 PM (xPBsZ)

11 Personally, I've had a long time liking of the name Dylan. Although, not actually being able to speak Norwegian, I have no idea how pronounceable it would be in that language. I also think it works for either gender. As for what to refer to TNB whilst blogging, how about TOO (The Other One)?

Posted by: Primal at October 28, 2005 08:58 AM (EM07+)

12 Rig, for a boy and Verdande for a girl. Some of the lesser known but ultimately way cooler members of the Norse pantheon.

Posted by: Jim at October 30, 2005 11:07 AM (oqu5j)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Well? Any guesses?

No?

Nothing?

The answer to the unknown question is Jaquavius.

Say it out loud to yourself. Ja--QUAV--ius. Has a certain ring to it, doesn't it? A certain majesty, even. Kind of a Roman Empire vibe, no?

And yet, inexplicably, even capriciously, my wife, she who shall henceforth be called, "The Viking Bride", has, in the grossest and most disturbing unilateral exercise of power, rejected Jaquavius.

I speak the truth. She really has rejected this answer.

It seems that she thinks that would not be an appropriate name for our third child.

Did I mention that she's pregnant? 12 weeks along now.

By the way, whether I happen to agree with her that we will not be naming our new baby Jaquavius is totally besides the point. Of course, with apologies to any Jaquavius's out there, we will not be naming our child that.

But it does have a certain ring to it, no?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 02:58 PM | Comments (28) | Add Comment
Post contains 170 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Wonderful news! Please pass along my best! A close friend of mine always liked the ring that "Avarice" or "Avaricious" had, for a boy. He pictured him running around either in Victorian period clothing, or a Scottish kilt...

Posted by: Mandalei at October 25, 2005 03:15 PM (+eH+G)

2 OH WOW! Congratulations you two! Very exciting! And maybe you can name the baby "Java". It has some of the same letters in it as Jaquavius... What? *blank look* ;-P (Psst! So happy for you!)

Posted by: Amber at October 25, 2005 03:45 PM (zQE5D)

3 WOO HOO! Another Child Child! Just the other day I thought of Sequoia as a girl's name. Pretty -- in an Indian Princess kinda way. Also, it's the shortest word in common English usage containing all five vowels. But, that's not really part of the story, I guess...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 25, 2005 04:51 PM (MB5kA)

4 Congratulations! Three little ones is rather intimidating at times, but wonderful and rather loud and crazy. Jaquavius would really only work for a boy. It just wouldn't have the right ring, if third child is a girl. And speaking of which, you now face the dilemna I had when my third was born. After having The Boy and The Girl (or in your case Girl Child and Boy child) what do you call the third baby on your blog?

Posted by: Jordana at October 25, 2005 05:19 PM (cyLmV)

5 Oh, happy news! Congratulations. Perhaps you can reserve Jaquavius for the "blog name."

Posted by: nic at October 25, 2005 05:37 PM (l+W8Z)

6 Whoa! Mazel Tov!!! Get all the sleep you can. You "think" you remember how tiring it is...but you really don't.

Posted by: Linda at October 25, 2005 06:50 PM (4gch1)

7 That's wonderful news RP! My wife wants to call our next one (if it's a boy) Tiberius or Griffin. No, we're not Star Trek geeks at all. I'm so glad for you and your family, I hope all goes well!

Posted by: Oorgo at October 25, 2005 06:51 PM (lM0qs)

8 Congratulations to the whole family.

Posted by: Mia at October 25, 2005 07:27 PM (Oue+v)

9 CONGRATULATIONS!! ; )

Posted by: Christina at October 25, 2005 09:25 PM (zJsUT)

10 congratulations!!! this is wonderful. *grins*

Posted by: sn at October 25, 2005 09:26 PM (cHOGW)

11 Congratulations! And remember, Chewbacca would be a great name.

Posted by: owlish at October 25, 2005 09:54 PM (rzugH)

12 Seems I'm not the only virile hunk of man floating around the Interweb these days. Congrats, I'm of course go on the record as voting for the name Phin. Really Phin Munu does have certain ring too it. Does anybody know just what the hell's in the blogidohexiweb's water supply??

Posted by: phin at October 25, 2005 10:50 PM (DGPlf)

13 Way to go, RP! Congratulations. I can say from experience that being outnumbered by the kids is wonderful (if at times utterly exhausting). Have you yet heard the inevitable "now you're moving from man-to-man to zone defense..." comment?

Posted by: JohnL at October 25, 2005 11:59 PM (dYzx6)

14 Congratulation, I was almost Beauregard, thank God my Mom nixed that one, Junior High would have been hell.

Posted by: John at October 26, 2005 08:41 AM (DbDi4)

15 Mazel Tov! What wonderful news. Jaquavius. Hmmm, and the Hebrew name would be..? Could have been interesting :-)

Posted by: Jocelyn at October 26, 2005 10:13 AM (jkRb/)

16 FANTASTIC RP! I think I agree with your wife regarding the name. Sorry. However, this simply gives you the opportunity to think of another name, also to continue your wonderful parenting skills. Congrats!

Posted by: dee at October 26, 2005 10:44 AM (sZnML)

17 Congrats! Can't wait to hear more about it!

Posted by: CJ at October 26, 2005 12:12 PM (Ds4xI)

18 OH WOW!!!! Man, there is something in the bloggy water, me thinks. CONGRATULATIONS!!

Posted by: Jennifer at October 26, 2005 01:36 PM (jl9h0)

19 IT'S A BLOGGER BABY BOOM! You *knooowww* I'm thrilled, delighted, excited and soo very happy for you and the Mrs. God blessed us, every one didn't he? LOLLLL Many, many hugs and kisses, M

Posted by: Margi at October 26, 2005 01:47 PM (nwEQH)

20 Trackback is not cooperating. (Another congratulations, that's all.)

Posted by: Margi at October 26, 2005 01:51 PM (nwEQH)

21 Well I like Jack.

Posted by: Amy at October 26, 2005 02:32 PM (nUCsP)

22 My ex wanted to name the boys Lothar and Thor, respectively. If you knew how much that made my blood pressure rise, you wouldn't be laughing right now.

Posted by: Margi at October 26, 2005 03:42 PM (nwEQH)

23 Whatever you do, don't name him 'Howard'. It would just cause too much confusion when the nanny and I marry and I become Uncle Howard. :-) Awesome news, RP, totally awesome.

Posted by: Howard at October 26, 2005 05:02 PM (u2JaN)

24 I swear to GOD there's something in the blogosphere's water! Congrats to you and the Viking Bride (I do so like that moniker!) That's wonderful news!

Posted by: Kathy at October 26, 2005 10:39 PM (kZ6IS)

25 Congrats! You'll love realigning your defense from man-to-man to zone. "Jaquavius"? If that doesn't work out, you know you're not very far away from "Locutus".

Posted by: Robert the Llama Butcher at October 27, 2005 02:25 PM (IkTb7)

26 Congratulations!! I hope the pregnancy goes healthfully and easily. Hugs and the best to you and yours!

Posted by: Azalea at October 27, 2005 03:26 PM (hRxUm)

27 Congrats!!!

Posted by: Ted at October 28, 2005 12:26 PM (blNMI)

28 A, but such a name would be perfectly fitting for the New Child's representation in Blogdom. Far better than Boy Child2 or Girl Child the Second. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at October 30, 2005 11:03 AM (oqu5j)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

I'm chained to my desk on this dreary Saturday, waiting for someone to review a five page memo I just wrote to a client who was just, one week before his wedding, blind sided with an outrageous prenuptial agreement that his wife had been working on with her lawyer for over a month. I read it for the first time last night going home on the train and I garnered strange looks as I exclaimed out loud and profanely about the fairness of this document. So, while I wait, I thought maybe I could stretch the fingers and exercise the mind and blog a little.

Thanks again for all of your collective patience during my recent trial and internet outages. No idea about the internet, but the trial closes to the jury on Monday morning and that will be that until post trial motions.

I rode into the city today and was reminded how unpleasant it can be to ride during the non-peak hour trains without an mp3 player. Lots of ambient noise, cell phones, loud chatter, and distractions. Hard to think under those circumstances.

But there was one couple I looked at, for really no more than a moment, a short moment, but it was enough. They were in their early 20's, I'm guessing. She was dark haired and pale skinned. Makeup expertly applied -- not too much and all of it to flatter her features. And she smiled at her boy friend and the smile was so lovely, so graceful, so unhurried in its patience and love. I felt privileged to have seen it. It made me think that she must have a lot of inner serenity and that the old wisdom that youth is in too much of a hurry doesn't really ring true. At least, not there. Her smile suggested that she had all the time in the world for him and all the time needed to appreciate him and the experiences they were having together. No pressure, no rush. His good fortune, which I bet he does not understand, is nothing short of astounding to me. I took all this in very quickly, but the memory stayed with me some several hours later. It really was quite a smile.

My in-laws are in town to stay for the next three weeks. Might as well be three years. Well, that was snide. It might be just fine. I'll try to reserve judgment.

While I was here at the office, I missed a milestone at home: Boy Child pooping on the potty! He called me at work to tell me about it in great excitement. He and the Girl Child left me a long and breathless voicemail while I was otherwise engaged. Do I need to tell you that I have saved that voicemail? Still, I regard this as proof positive that while I am at the office, shit happens.

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 03:42 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
Post contains 499 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Still, I regard this as proof positive that while I am at the office, shit happens. Writing like this is why I have missed you.

Posted by: nic at October 22, 2005 04:15 PM (l+W8Z)

2 At least you were not required to wipe! ; ) Quote of the week: "while I am at the office, shit happens" Amen.

Posted by: Christina at October 22, 2005 04:27 PM (zJsUT)

3 S--t happens!!

Posted by: Azalea at October 22, 2005 05:14 PM (hRxUm)

4 awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww =)))))

Posted by: indigo at October 23, 2005 01:55 AM (v4q2T)

5 I remember my nephew excitedly exclaiming that he'd pooped on the potty all by himself! I quipped that that was more information than I needed and he actually seemed to laugh knowingly. That kid, I swear... And noticing a young gal who seems to understand the secret value of this moment... I see her all the time and, yep, she is always beautiful because of it. She seems like the personification of sweetness. Then you wonder if she went home and got the livin' snot beaten out of her by that guy jus' because she didn't know that you don't clean a wooden tabletop with a rag and water... [Believe me, it has happened.] sorry...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 23, 2005 09:56 PM (4MabN)

6 The story about the couple on the train...sigh.

Posted by: CJ at October 24, 2005 07:10 AM (p4OqS)

7 So nice to have you back, RP!

Posted by: GrammarQueen at October 24, 2005 09:53 AM (XzHwx)

8 I loved the imagery of the couple on the train; just lovely, RP, thank you. :-) And congrats on the Boy Child going potty! I still remember how excited my Girl Child was about our Boy Child and how she had to call EVERYBODY about it! She even took her little brother to Show and Tell one day not long after and when the teacher asked what was special about her little brother, she pondered for a moment, then said, "He goes potty all by himself now!" All her first-grade classmates nodded in serious understanding; after all, it hadn't been all THAT long since they'd had their own potty training, but the teacher and I were hard-pressed not to burst out laughing. *grins*

Posted by: Amber at October 24, 2005 12:34 PM (zQE5D)

9 Glad to see you back, and good story about the couple and BC. We're having a hell of a time with X, he started almost a year ago potty training, he was all excited etc. and then one day just stopped. Now he is doing it again but only via plying with treats, and he still complains like crazy having to sit on the potty.

Posted by: Oorgo at October 24, 2005 01:54 PM (lM0qs)

10 Oh, I'm so glad you're back! Yay! Life can resume now. Congrats to the boy child. He sounds like my niece, Maggie, who just turned five. When they were potty training her, she was just so proud of herself when she did the deed, she'd leave the bathroom and would shout "I POOP!" It was the funniest thing. Well, maybe you had to be there, but still...

Posted by: Kathy at October 24, 2005 10:59 PM (kZ6IS)

11 I echo all the sentiments here! Can't add much more other than, you have been missed dear friend AND congratulations to you and your lovely Viking bride on the blessed announcement! How wonderful it all is!

Posted by: michele at October 27, 2005 09:40 AM (DPFIK)

12 A poopy milestone achieved. That calls for a celebration!

Posted by: Jim at October 30, 2005 11:01 AM (oqu5j)

Hide Comments | Add Comment