The phone rang through here at the office so I picked it up:

Her: May I speak to John?

Me: Who may I say is calling?

Her: Donna with Opinion Marketing Research.

Me: Please hold.

Me: John, do you want to talk to Donna with Opinion Marketing Research?

John: No. Tell her that if she wants my opinion on an issue, she should call my wife [delivered in joking tone].

Me: Donna? I'm sorry, but John says that if you'd like his opinion, you need to call his wife.

Her: Oh. [silence for a second]. Does his wife make the decisions regarding the company's telecommunications needs?

Me: Most probably. Have a nice day. [hangs up].

Was that as funny to you as it was to me? Or do I need to get out more?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:08 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I took this vocabulary test that I saw at a small victory while on a conference call yesterday. It was kind of fun. Beware though, my wife tried to access it and her corporate overlords had blocked that site.

Curious about my score? 167/200.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 10:07 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Since I've managed to mention Norway in every single post I've put up today, I suppose I ought to say that yesterday was the day in 1940 when Norway officially surrendered to the Nazis.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:26 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This is too funny. Apparently, in Bergen, Norway, you can call up and have sperm delivered to your door. The sperm was donated by local donors in Bergen. To think, who needs bars anymore to find an anonymous sperm donor?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:03 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I am trying to fill in a gap, one of many gaps, in my education by teaching myself Latin. I have a textbook, Wheelock's, and am trying to make my way through it. This is really the first time I've ever tried to teach myself a another language. I speak French fluently. In fact, I had a very nice conversation in French last week on the train with a French woman who was surprised to learn that I was an American. I offer that as proof that I can actually parlez-vous, so to speak. I can also speak Norwegian, probably to any three year old in Norway. I learned Norwegian from my wife, from classes at the Norwegian Seaman's Church, and from language immersion weekends. Those were easy compared to Latin.

I think part of the problem is that I have no teacher to push me. I have to be totally self-motivated. That is both good and bad. Good in the sense that I am in no hurry and can take my time. Bad in the sense that I have no one to schedule how fast I should be learning or to explain the more difficult material (almost everything, by the way!). Also, I have time problems. I figure that I can get maybe an hour a day to myself. This time is spent on the train. Not optimal for learning -- hard to spread out when all you can occupy is one seat and hard to write when the train is moving. Also, I am usually pretty beat when the time comes to hit the train and lately I have been sleeping on the way home. That cuts my time, too.

Have any of you studied Latin? Can you offer any encouragement? Or suggestions?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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As Aftenposten makes clear, it is now possible for a tourist to go seal hunting in Norway. The bill has cleared the Norwegian Storting (legislature) and foreigners can now take part in what was once an exclusive pass time for Norwegians. But wait, first you need to pass a shooting test, so don't run out to your travel agents immediately. I thought clubbing was the preferred method, not shooting.

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Is everyone else following the fascinating events taking place in Zimbabwe? The NY Times carried an article today, buried in the middle of the paper, entitled Zimbabwe Announces a New Plan to Seize Land.

A little background, from memory, is in order. Forgive me if I make any mistakes, but this is all from memory.

Mugabe is killing if not already killed his country. He, in order to correct what he perceived to be inequities in land distribution and the legacies of White rule, nationalized many farms. The plan was to give them out to landless peasant types to farm. The result was that most of the farms seized were given to high ranking government and party figures, including, in one memorable instance, Mugabe's wife.

So what happened and why is it interesting to me? It's interesting to me because for over four years now, I've read good British reporting detailing the step by step collapse of civilization as we understand it in Zimbabwe. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

First, the land distribution scheme destroyed the economy. All of the main exports from Zimbabwe were agricultural based. Cut flowers, tobacco and beef were high in that list. These things require expertise to grow for international markets. The ability to produce these things was destroyed as the farmers who could do it were terrorized into leaving their land. Result? No hard currency for Zimbabwe. As the NY Times reports today, inflation is at 620%! Can you even imagine that? As the agricultural sector collapsed, so did the chemical and machine sectors.

Second, as the economy spun out of control, Mugabe faced political pressure for reform from an opposition party and from the newspapers. Result? Beat and jail the opposition. Kill the ones you can't intimidate. Shut down the newspapers and pack the courts and threaten the judges if the editors are stupid enough to sue. Bring out the army if people protest. Create youth wings of your political parties and use them to commit acts of political violence. So, political freedom disappears at the same time that prices go up by 620%.

Third, I am stunned still by the refusal of South Africa to criticize Mugabe. M'bake won't do it and he won't permit it. All in the name of African solidarity against former colonialism. Meanwhile, the hospitals in Zimbabwe have no money for supplies and all the nurses and doctors are leaving to go to Canada. That is coming close to criminal behavior by South Africa, in my opinion.

Fourth, international political pressure fails. The only countries willing to pressure Zimbabwe in public are England and the United States. Of course, there is the Commonwealth which has either excluded Zimbabwe or criticized Zimbabwe thus causing Mugabe to resign from the Commonwealth. Either way, lots of nice words and nothing done about it. Well, nothing accomplished. I do seem to recall that Britain offered to pay for the land taken by farmers to allow Zimbabwe to buy it, but that came to nothing and the terror and violence against the white farmers continued.

So, here we are today. Zimbabwe on the brink of total meltdown and the government acts swiftly and decisively to preempt the crisis. How, you may ask? Well, first, "Zimbabwe's government says its economic problems have nothing to do with the land seizures and can be laid to drought and a Western plot to restore colonial rule." Did you get that? The government is the victim of an evil conspriacy and the weather. So, clearly the best thing to do is to nationalize all the remaining land.

The "government planned to take control of remaining farmland, abolishing all deeds, and turn it back to farmers under 99-year leases. Leases on wildlife conservancies would be limited to 25 years, he said, because that land is considered more valuable than farmland".

May I point out that nationalization and collectivization of farm land in the Soviet Union was a stunning triumph for the State Planning School of Economic Thought?

Here is a further complication, by the way. No deeds to the property mean no one will lend to the farmer. No title, no collateral, no lending. Simple, no?

"At present, none of those awarded portions of seized white commercial farms have title to their lands. Those peasants' inability to raise money to begin commercial farming on their own has been blamed by some for the nation's dismal harvests over the last three years." There is a fascinating book about the role property rights and of title to land in economic development by Hernando De Soto called, The Mystery of Capital.

Of course, there is another, even more sinister explanation for this move by the governing party. "The opposition party, the Movement for Democratic Change, expressed concern that state ownership of all land would merely give the government another means to exert control over the population."

Why don't more people seem to care about Zimbabwe?

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:20 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Erin O'Connor, over at Critical Mass (a daily read for me), has taken up the torch on the reading list that I started below and pulled in some really great comments and made some very interesting looking recommendations herself. Thanks, Erin, for your kind recognition and for more than tripling my summer reading list!

I'm going to add four more suggestions here:

One, the books of Allan Mallinson, serving Brigadier General in her Majesty's Calvary. His first book, A Close Run Thing, is a good place to start. Basically, Gen. Mallinson tries to do for the Calvary during the Napoleonic wars what O'Brian did for the Navy. Not as well done as O'Brian, but highly diverting. Side note, as a result of these books and their covers, my daughter believed until very recently that any man on a horse was a "Dragoon".

Second, I really enjoyed the Walking Drum, by Louis L'Amour. I don't know how good the history really is, but it's a great read.

Alexandre Dumas. Read him in French if you can. If you can't, no matter, the Three Musketeers is still one of my all time favorite pieces of historical fiction.

Finally, another straight history recommendation: Low Life : Lures and Snares of Old New York, by Luc Sante. This is a terrifically readable book about the Lower East Side of New York and the criminals, swindlers, con-men, and prostitutes who lived there.

Happy reading!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:06 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's going into the 90's today in NYC but the weatherman claimed that with the humidity, it will feel like over 100. As Mark Twain said, everyone complains about the weather but no one does anything about it. Well, I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to offer a hot weather tip I garnered from years of living in Louisiana. Wear undershirts men! Seems counterintuitive, right? Get hot, take off clothes, not put them on. That's the impulse, right? I tried this with great skepticism in New Orleans when I was urged to by a friend and native. He was right. A nice cotton undershirt will help keep you cooler. And you thought your mother was a nag for always telling you to dress in layers, right? You owe her an apology. Probably for a lot of reasons!

Another thing about summer in the city. In the residential neighborhoods, when liquids drip on you, most of the time that's not someone emptying a bed pan out the window. No, it's what I like to think of as "building spit". It's the discharge as the window AC units suck humidity out of the apartments and spit it on you as you go walking along. Not pleasant, but not as disgusting as you might initially think.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It appears that my comments boards are down. I hope that doesn't inconvenience anyone. In the meantime, feel free to use my email address if you feel pressed to express yourself! Thanks and sorry!

9:30 a.m. and comments seem to be back.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:49 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I liked that phrase a lot. I read it this morning in the NY Times in a restaurant review. The reviewer was describing a dish that went by her on the way to another table. But it got me thinking, what foods do I associate with late nights and youthful indiscretions?

* 3 a.m., French Fries with gravy at a diner.

* Pizza from the place on the corner that used to stay open until 5 a.m. At that time of night, all pizza is good pizza.

* Texas Fries. These were served at a long gone and much lamented 24 hour joint near where I grew up. They were chili cheese fries with minced raw onion on top. It is the taste of heaven.

* Couscous with as much Harissa as you could stand to make up for the night before.

* I-Hop. That's all, just I-Hop.

* The famed Lucky Dog of New Orleans purchased and consumed on the street between bars.

* Long, still drunk, dim sum breakfasts.

* And the ever popular, cold, leftover pizza the next day.

* Whatever you raided from the vending machine in college as you stayed up all night to debate whatever issues impassioned you at that time.

I'm certain there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind immediately.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:44 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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If you've read some of my other posts, you may know how much I love to overhear cell phone conversations on the street. Last night's call was a good one. I overheard this very handsome young man, in a beautiful suit, earnestly updating his friend as to the new developments in his life. This budding young Master of the Universe (remember that phrase?) says to his friend: "So, did I tell you? I'm learning Farsi". I don't know why it amused me so much, but it did and I share it with you.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:40 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Jester asked me for some history recommendations after reading my post below about the decline in teaching of history in schools. After some thought, and after looking through my book shelves, I decided to make the following recommendations. It was fun to take a tour back through the book shelves. I have a lot of books, most of them I love. I eliminated some of the more obscure things, like The Politics of Dreaming in the Carolingian Empire (Regents Studies in Medieval Culture), and tried to think of a good selection of well written works which did not require a lot of background to enjoy. I could put up many more books and I realize, as I review this that I am leaving many of my favorites out. Perhaps I'll revisit the subject if people find it interesting but I must call a halt to this post now. I hope you enjoy this post, it took me a rather long time to put up.

I include not just straight history, but biography and historical fiction as well. Biography is history and should be thought of as such, it seems to me. Biographers always put their subjects into historical context and, by concentrating on one key figure, provide a good focal point to view an era. I also like historical fiction because much of the good stuff is based on fairly rigorous research and can be a great entree into an area for someone who is seeking an introduction. But, more below.

HISTORY:

Breakout: The Chosin Reservoir Campaign, Korea 1950, by Martin Russ. This is riveting, can't put it down kind of stuff. 12,000 U.S. Marines were trapped during the Korean War by 60,000 Chinese troops and conducted a fighting retreat. It's a brilliant book.

The Great Game: The Struggle for Empire in Central Asia. Anybody read Kim, by Kipling? Fabulous book and it got me interested in this period. The struggle between Russia and Great Britain for India, played out all over the region. This is a great book about this period. This topic has become more relevant considering how much strife in the world is currently traceable to this region. I also, in the same vein, recommend: Tournament of Shadows: The Great Game and the Race for Empire in Central Asia.

The First World War, by Keegan. Keegan is one of the foremost military historians writing today. This is a great book which takes you from the start to the end. This was one of the most important world events of the last century and gives the reader a greater understanding of what followed.

Stalingrad: The Fateful Siege, 1942-1943, by Antony Beevor. This reads like fiction, it's so well written. This was the ultimate armed conflict between two morally corrupt ideologies, fought in the streets and gutters of a destroyed city. Also great information about the cult of the sniper. Highly readable.

Six Days of War : June 1967 and the Making of the Modern Middle East, by Michael Oren. The author had access to archives in Egypt, the US, and Russia. He interviewed former Israeli and Egyptian soldiers. This is riveting, can't put it down history. It also helps explain the roots of the current situation in the Middle East. This is very topical.

Patronage in Renaissance Italy: From 1400 to the Early Sixteenth Century, by Mary Hollingsworth. This was a great read, although it may be out of print. Basically, it suggests that the role of patronage was under-credited with respect to the Renaissance. The painters and sculptors needed patrons who could afford the art and were willing to collaborate in the creative process. Esoteric but enjoyable.

Hannibal Crosses the Alps: The Enigma Re-Examined, by John Prevas. Where did Hannibal cross the Alps to strike at Italy and Rome? How did he do it? Prevas claims to have figured it out. It's a terrific little book.

John Julius Norwich is one of my favorite authors and I'd send you out to check out at least two of his works. A History of Venice was originally two volumes when published in England but one volume here in the States. Another great read. The history of the rise of the Republic is fascinating and I cannot recommend it highly enough. I think that study is what led Norwich to write the three volume series on the Byzantine Empire. This is another great contribution to a poorly understood, at least by me, era.

The Pity of It All: A History of the Jews in Germany, 1743-1933, by Amos Elon. I never realized the incredible contributions the Jews made to German society and culture before I read this book. Jewish integration makes what followed all the more incomprehensible. A sad but fascinating book.

Carnage and Culture : Landmark Battles in the Rise to Western Power, by Victor Davis Hanson. This is a very interesting and timely book about what makes the West special in terms of civic virtues and economics. It details the critical battles and gives terrific historical background in chapters devoted to each battle. A wonderful survey.

Now, a little lighter history. The Boys of Summer, by Roger Kahn. When baseball was an art and writing about it a game. This is about the mid-20th-century Brooklyn Dodgers and how Kahn grew up while following them around and writing about it.

BIOGRAPHY

Cicero, by Anthony Everitt. I read this one over Christmas vacation last year by the pool. Another terrific read. Gives a lot of detail about the history of the Republic and the rise of Caesar and Marc Antony. Cicero was considered Rome's greatest orator.

Lafayette, by Unger was a very readable biography of an important figure in both the American and French Revolutions. Not too many people spanned both. One of the things from this I was surprised by was learning how close a thing the American Revolution really was to failure. They don't teach you that in school.

John Adams, by David McCullough is another revolutionary war figure biography. This was a long book but it never dragged. It won a Pulitzer Prize. Adams was an American hero and I recommend the book.

A Clearing In The Distance: Frederick Law Olmsted and America in the 19th Century, by Witold Rybczynski. Olmsted was the first great landscape architect in the US and this is a terrific read. A little obscure for some, but a good look at the building of Central Park in NY. I enjoyed it a lot.

HISTORICAL FICTION

The Killer Angels, by Michael Shaara, details the battle of Gettysburg and specifically Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, whose 20th Maine regiment of volunteers held the Union's left flank on the second day of the battle at Little Round Top.

Gates of Fire : An Epic Novel of the Battle of Thermopylae, by Steven Pressfield is a novel about the battle where 300 Spartan knights and their allies kept some 10,000 Persian invaders at bay. This is hard to put down.

Sharpe's Eagle, by Cornwell. This is the first of the series. I've read them all. They deal with the exploits of an officer in the 95th Rifles during the Napoleonic Wars. Sharpe was raised from the ranks. Cornwell ends each book with a nice historical essay about the events which inspired the book. Warning: highly addictive series.

Master and Commander is the first of the Patrick O'Brian series about the Napoleonic War and the Royal Navy. These are the equivalent of literary crack. Don't pick these up unless you are prepared to lose a lot of time. My wife hates it when I re-read this series, which I've done about five times. All twenty books. It may be time again soon, come to think of it.

Dark Star, by Alan Furst is gripping. Most of Furst's work is set in the period just before the start of WW II and he evokes a time now long gone and made more poignant by knowing that it was on the edge of extinction. All of his book are fantastic and I await the next one with keen anticipation.

Happy reading, Jester (and anyone else who might enjoy the above)!

Posted by: Random Penseur at 09:31 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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We took the kids to visit some of friends of ours who live in a really charming little town called Katonah. As an aside, one of the places I keep meaning to visit in Katonah is the John Jay Homestead, the farm John Jay, first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, retired to at the conclusion of his long and distinguished public service.

Anyway, we're on the road, I-684, on the way home when I spy in front of us the thing which scares me the most on the highway: a church van. I see the church van and I am convinced we are only seconds away from a dramatic disaster or explosion. I am somewhat serious. It seems that I regularly read about accidents involving church vans. These accidents almost all involve fatalities. Why are they in so many accidents? Well, perhaps the driver is not a trained bus driver. Or perhaps it's the condition of the vehicle. This one was no winner. It was a late model van and it looked like it was held together by prayer. I accelerated quickly to pass it. I wanted my family no where near it when the inevitable accident occurred. Inside the van, I could see singing and clapping. Some of them waved. That just made me more nervous and I hit the pedal harder.

Irrational? Maybe. But I know I breathed a sigh of relief when we got past that van.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 07:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Someone in my office called the following item from Fox News to my attention. I am appalled. A lawyer in Oregon is planning, in defense of his client, to introduce an expert witness to testify that the reason that the defendant "whipped and broke his [two year old] son's neck and ribs [is] because he suffers from post-traumatic slave syndrome." Evidently there is some "academic" out there who, in the words of Fox News, "claims that because African Americans never got a chance to heal from slavery and still face racism, oppression and societal inequality, they suffer from multigenerational trauma."

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like a crock of sh*t? Seriously, it seems to me that makes us all prisoners of our ancestral past to the point where each of us can disclaim responsibility for our actions based on some historical slight. No matter how long ago. Hopefully the judge will think this is a crock, too.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 02:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Buzz has at least two meanings in this post.

The first meaning is derived from the fact that I have been running all morning. I have that lethal combination of caffeine plus adrenaline. I am buzzing, almost physically vibrating. I've had meetings, phone calls, and written snide and nasty letters to those who deserve snide and nasty. I have been Mr. Productive. I've also gotten nothing off of my to do list -- all of these things are from new problems! I am, I must admit, a little bummed about all of this fabulous effort I've put forth today and I have nothing really tangible to show for it. That's buzz one.

Buzz #2 refers to the word on the street about someone. There is good buzz about me, I guess, as I got a nibble on some new business today. I also got new business thrown my way on Friday. Just when it is clear that I can barely handle everything I have on my plate now, my new business possibilities are set to full steam ahead. Soon, it may very well be that there will be people, including partners, servicing the business I am bringing in. This would be odd. I am merely a senior associate and I will, for all intents and purposes, have partners reporting to me on business I generated. But I did have a partner come into my office today, sit down, and ask me if I'm free for lunch tomorrow or the next day to go over the details of one of the cases I've just brought in that he's been asked to do some work on. It just goes to show, the old law firm golden rule is still in existence: he who has the gold makes the rules. I suppose I don't really care what they call me here, associate or counsel or partner, as long as I keep bringing in the business then I will have de facto control over the economics of the situation.

Anyway, back to work.

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I got a request to explain a couple of games I mentioned in an earlier post. If you don't play pool, you may not have heard of them. I assume everyone has heard of nine-ball, eight-ball, and straight pool.


Cowboy is a game apart and the link will take you to the rules. What may not be clear from the link is that this is a combination of pool and billiards. The pool part is sinking balls to score a particular number value. When you hit a particular number, you switch to billiards, or what the link calls carom shots. A carom shot is when the cue ball strikes two balls in the order you called them in. You then win by scratching off the one ball. That means you have to pocket the cue ball after the cue ball has made contact with the one. Also, the balls traditionally used in cowboy are much bigger and heavier than the typical pool balls. This makes it harder to score because you have less margin for error around the pockets. It is a very challenging and fun game. You can lose hours on this one.

The rules to Cut-throat can be found at that link. Basically, you divide the balls into three groups of five. One group is taken by each player. The person who breaks chooses first. The object is to shoot at the other groups and hope you can sink them before they sink your group. The last one with a ball on the table wins. This is a very social game and involves all sorts of conspiracies as you make alliances with other players and then break them.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 08:36 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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According to a copy of Philadelphia magazine, which I purchased last week, there are only 92 days of Summer. That does not seem like nearly enough days. This last Winter was so brutal that 92 days, especially rainy days like today, barely seems like sufficient compensation. 92 days. That's it. I never quantified it before. But, all of a sudden, I think it's too little and it's going to fly by. Remember how when you were a kid and Summer dragged along, nice and slow, and it seemed like school was never going to start again? Remember those hot days when you'd stick to the fake leather in the car? And ice cream was the best thing ever after swimming? Of course, that was the Summer before lyme's disease, before not putting sun screen on a kid was child abuse, and when all you had to worry about was whether you could stay up late enough to try to catch lightening bugs in the yard before your parents made you go to bed.

I also have fond memories of going with my father to the last of the old fashioned soda fountains in Westchester when I was a kid. They made the best root beer floats ever. I still have quite a weakness for the root beet float.

Anyway, I am trying so hard to focus on the unlimited opportunities of 92 days, rather than how few days there really are.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:11 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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We were riding home on the train together, my wife and I, after a lovely Friday night out. We had cocktails, shot a little pool with another friend, and had a great dinner. Cut Throat is a terrific game to play with three people. Although, my favorite game is probably Cowboy. Ever play that? If not, leave a comment and I'll explain it.

On the train, my wife looked at the back of her ticket and informed me that she loved random capitalization because you could usually use it to figure out what other people made acronyms from in other lines of work. For example, Off Peak Train, she reasoned, must be abbreviated by the letters OPT by the railroad workers. I thought that was an interesting thought which she wouldn't mind me sharing.

Posted by: Random Penseur at 11:07 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I just happened to come across an email address for a lawyer in way, way, upstate NY. Almost Canada, practically. It started with: always golfing, followed by the email provider service. Can you imagine a less professional image to share with a client? I will be golfing instead of attending to your problems.

That said, if I was a country lawyer, I'd have a sign to hang on my door: Gone Fishin'. A little legal work followed by a lot of fly fishing.

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